The jealousy was shocking. Disappointing, even, because it was such a wild emotion that I didn’t understand or even have the right to feel. Kythel wasn’t mine. He never would be.
Stumbling back from the viewing window, I slapped the concealed door closed, plunging me into darkness in the storage room.
This time, I reallydidneed air.
But I didn’t take the back entrance out of RaanaDyaan. Maybe I was being a little foolish and impulsive. I wasn’t thinking clearly—that much was for certain.
Instead, I walked down the main hallway toward the front entrance. Lesana wasn’t standing guard at her usual post, so I paused at the door into the lounge.
I was sure I looked like hell with my sticky hair and dirtied tunic and flushed cheeks—the complete opposite of Lyris, who looked as polished as the diamonds I’d seen glittering on high society ladies’ fingers on New Inverness.
Across the lounge, Kythel’s gaze immediately zeroed in on me. As if he couldsenseme near. And maybe he could.
I watched his smile slowly fade. He straightened in his seat, those faceted wintry eyes holding mine. But I couldn’t read the expression in them, and I suddenly found that it was difficult to breathe, my lungs tightening.
Hanno turned to see what had claimed theKyzaire’s attention. He caught sight of me, but I was already walking away, through the high, arched doors of RaanaDyaan.
I needed air. Desperately.
Because I felt my own anger rise. Not at Kythel. Atmyself. Was I really so foolish as to believe that the kiss had meant something to him? Of course it hadn’t. And I hated how dependent and needy that made me feel.
I prided myself on my ability to care, albeit a little too deeply and too easily, for others. But I loved people. I loved their beauty and their ugliness and their flaws and the things that made them different and unique.
I cared about Kythel. Perhaps more than I should’ve.
I wasn’t afraid to throw myself into someone else. Sometimes I leapt without thinking—a gift and a curse. Father had called it my soft heart. But he’d always warned me it would get me into trouble.
Maybe I needed to learn to not give my heart so freely to those who would be careless with it without a second thought.
Slipping into the darkness of the alley, I went to my tree, touching the rough bark, letting it hold me up as I breathed. I dragged in slow breaths. Already the night air was cooling me off, making my thoughts calm, smoothing out the jagged edges of my jealousy.
Footsteps. I recognized the cadence of them, the weight as they struck the cobblestones, the whisper of his wings.
“Millie.”
CHAPTER19
KYTHEL
“Do you think I look beautiful tonight?” came Lyris’s pointed question.
There was a soft smile smudged across her dark lips.
It was the first interesting question she’d asked me all night, and my grin came easily, dropping into place—a familiar feeling taking hold as if I were on display at a ball or a party with noble families that we didn’t truly need to impress.Theyhad always needed to impressus. I got the distinct impression that that was what Lyris was trying to do.
She was different tonight. More…desperate. It clung to her like the perfumed oil across her neck, a cloying scent that made my nose twitch. I wondered if her father was beginning to get nervous that my proposal had not yet been given after I’d refused a meeting with him.
I held her gaze. “Every male in this room thinks that you’re beautiful, Lyris.”
She knew it too. But that obvious beauty, frustratingly enough, I’d begun to find bland. Her features were in perfect symmetry. Her skin was like Hindras silk. Her eyes had a tapered shape, the tilted corners giving her a sultry appearance. She had beautiful eyes and perfectly tailored clothes that I knew had cost her father a small fortune.
And yet…I was looking for the flaws. A chip in the perfect, cold marble. I wanted to see it. I craved imperfection now, like Millie’s strange beauty. But I found none in Lyris.
Hanno appeared at his niece’s side. His hand dropped to her shoulder. Tonight I had been ambushed by House Arada when I’d arrived at thedyaan, a realization I hadn’t appreciated in the slightest, but I had invited Lyris to join me nonetheless, knowing it was the right step in the inevitable direction I needed to take.
“I’ve sent for somewyldenfrom the kitchens for you both with my compliments,” Hanno said. “You must try it,Kyzaire. I know you appreciate good food, and Draan has proven himself to be an exceptional culinarian.”
I knew it wasn’t Draan alone, however, but I said nothing, only giving him a small, diplomatic smile in return. Millie must’ve been in the kitchens tonight, and at the very least, I would consume whatever she gave me with pleasure. Because right then it was the only way I could have her.
