“What happened to your hand?” she asked, dropping it quickly when she noticed the drying streaks of blood.
“Don’t worry—it looks worse than it is,” I told her truthfully, skirting around her to go to the chest of tall drawers in the corner. I procured a clean cloth, dipping it into a goblet of water from last night before cleaning the wound and my dirtied hands. “I cut it in Stellara.”
“Is that where you’ve been sneaking out to at night?” she asked, trying to infuse some playfulness in her tone, though it came out stilted and awkward.
We hadn’t spoken in days, the longest stretch we’d ever gone. Not because we were ignoring one another in the hallways when we passed, but because we hadn’t willingly sought one another out after thedyaanclosed for the evening, like we used to.
We both knew this felt strange.
When my hands were clean, I tossed the cloth into a pile of clothes I intended to wash tomorrow. “Yes,” I answered. “What are you doing here so late?”
Her luminous green eyes drifted to the letters behind me on the desk. Then she paced across the room. She turned to the dresser I’d fetched the clean cloth from, straightening my brush until it lay perfectly parallel with the hard metal edge.
I frowned. “Grace, is something wrong?”
She looked out the window. With her face in profile, I could see her nibbling on her bottom lip.
“I know things have been a little weird between us,” I said, crossing the room to her before taking her hands in mine, “but you know you can tell me anything. I’m still your friend.”
She met my eyes and squeezed my hands. She looked a little sad at my words. “I’m leaving RaanaDyaan.”
“What?” I asked, taken aback. A thought occurred to me. “Did Lesana find out about—”
“No,” Grace interrupted. “Nothing like that.”
“You’releaving? But where will you go?” I asked, brow furrowing, feeling a little ball of loss begin to grow in my chest at the thought.
“Vraad…” she started, and my shoulders tightened at his name. “He asked me to be his sole blood giver. Among other things.”
His mistress, she meant.
“You know he has a mate, Grace,” I whispered. “Awife. From a noble House.”
“They have their own arrangement,” Grace answered quickly, squeezing my hands again to keep me from pulling away. “Their own understanding. She knows about me. I even told Vraad that I can be her blood giver too, if she wishes. I’ve…I’ve been with them both. Before.”
“Oh,” I breathed, understanding what went unspoken. She scrutinized my expression beneath her lashes, her cheeks pink. “Oh, I see.”
“There’s a contract in place,” she hurriedly added. “It’s all very official. Vraad and Lynara are purchasing me a house on the outskirts of Erzan. I won’t be far—it’s not like I’m leaving Erzos, Millie. I’ll visit you. Or you can come visit me.”
I mustered up a smile because it was the only thing I could think to do. “Of course. Of course we’ll still see each other.”
But I wondered if she could sense the uncertainty in my words. RaanaDyaanhad bound us. Would we still be bound when she left?
Clearing my throat, I asked, “And you’ll be happy with this? Do you love him? Or…her? Or both?”
Her lips smoothed to a line. She dropped my hands, skirting around me to sink down on the edge of my bed.
“Love has nothing to do with this,” she answered. Her voice was quiet but certain. We were nearly the same age, and yet I’d always held the impression that Grace seemed a decade older than me. For all that I’d experienced, she had experienced more. But we never spoke about it. “Maybe once, I considered myself a romantic. But not anymore.”
I joined her on the bed. She played with the fabric of her white dressing gown, silky smooth and expensive. I wondered if it had been a gift from one of her Kylorr because I knew that Grace wouldn’t buy something so extravagant for herself.
“I just want to besecure,” she said. I felt those words reverberate in my own breast, and I released a long exhale. “I’m scared, Millie. I’m always so scared.”
Placing my head on her shoulder, I wrapped an arm around her back in comfort. She leaned her head against mine.
“I’ll do anything not to be afraid anymore. And Vraad…Lynara…they are being generous with their offer. Do you judge me for it?” she asked.
“Of course not,” I said, my tone harsh in its earnestness. “Iunderstand, Grace. I could never judge you for something like that.”
