“You don’t want House Arada controlling you?” Kaldur continued. “The solution is simple. Show them they can’t.”
It was tempting. A seductive thought, one that would bring me a dark kind of joy.
But the truth was that I needed House Arada’s wealth as insurance when a war came. Ineededthem. And I hated that.
“I can’t,” I said quietly. “You know that.”
Kaldur shrugged. His eyes caught on something over my wing, gaze narrowing before they returned to mine.
“Like I said, you’ll do what you want,” he murmured. “You always have.”
Irritation snapped in my chest. A brief flash of rage thatburned. Disappointment and anger that I had thought long buried came rising to the surface, hurtling to my throat before I swallowed it back down.
“You think I do what I want?” I asked, the tight leash of my control near snapping. Perhaps Kaldur saw the flash of it in my eyes because he had the good sense to look ashamed. “I’ve never doneanythingthatIwanted. Not once. Except…except when Aina…”
I trailed off, the guilt still suffocating all these years later. Kaldur’s expression sobered.
“Look how that turned out,” I finished softly.
“You know that wasn’t—”
“Don’t,” I said. Though it almost sounded pleading. “Please. Let’s not linger in the past. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Kaldur inclined his head, his gaze flickering over my shoulder again. He gestured behind me. Just as I turned, he said, “I’ll see you back at the keep.”
Millie was in the shadows. I was confident she hadn’t heard a single word of our conversation, as far away as we were.
Still, after I felt the gust of Kaldur’s wings rustle my hair as he took to the sky, after I approached to where she was standing in her usual place against the bleeding tree, I asked, “Did you hear any of that?”
Her scent was overpowering, making my venom flow the closer and closer I drew.
Raazos’s blood.
“No,” she replied. And I believed her. “Kaalium secrets? I’m intrigued.”
At her easy, teasing tone, I felt some of the tension in my shoulders loosen. Though a good portion of my mind was still on the conversation with Kaldur.
You don’t want House Arada controlling you? Show them they can’t.
Lesana was keeping Millie away. She’d seen my reaction in the lounge that first night. Hanno had too. I prided myself on my control, but I’d just been…stunned. I should’ve exhibited more restraint.
Now I couldn’t help but wonder if Lesana had had a hand in Millie’s refusal of my offer.
Or maybe she just doesn’t want you to feed from her,came the thought, shaming me.
“You’re back,” she said, as if it weren’t obvious. I heard the question beneath the words, however.
Her cheeks were flushed from the heat of the kitchens. She smelled likekannospice, warm and earthy. Underneath…it washer.
I slid against the wall, leaning back against it, mimicking the position I’d taken the previous night.
“You’re a culinarian too,” I said. “Not just your father.”
She started at the words, her arms uncrossing from her chest, straightening.
“No,” she said. “I was never properly trained.”
“Does that matter?” I wondered.
