Anything,I thought. I would do anything. I had already asked Lesana weeks ago if I could. I needed the credits. There was no choice.
“I will,” I told her. “I’ll do it.”
Her hand twitched. Behind her, she carefully and quietly shut my door until we were alone in the darkness of my room. I straightened on the plush mattress.
“What is it?” I asked.
“When we first met at the market,” Lesana started, “what I remember most about you was that even though life had obviously been unkind, there was still a bright strength within your eyes, Millicent. A bright strength that I admired. And I respected you for it. Do you respect me too?”
I was confused by the direction this conversation was taking, which was evident in my tone as I said, “Of course I do. You know that.”
“We’ve grown close these last two months, have we not?”
“Yes, we have.”
Lesana’s neck straightened, her chin tipping up. She leveled me a steady stare as she said, “Then I will ask you this once. Turn down his offer.”
I jolted. “What?”
“When a male looks at you the way he was looking at you tonight, Millicent…it won’t end well.” She walked toward me, taking my hand in her warm grip and kneeling on the floor so that we were eye level. “I’m doing you a favor, my dear. I’m trying to protect you, trying to protect that strength I saw in the market that day, as I would my owndaughterif I had one.”
“I don’t…I don’t understand.”
“He’s aKyzaire, Millicent,” she said, her tone hardening. “Of House Kaalium itself. I am trying to protect you from a male like that who, I’m sorry to say, will only ever see you as a commodity. Your heart is much too open for him not to completely break you.”
I laughed, the sound strained and disbelieving. “I’m not going to fall in love with aKyzaire, Lesana. I’m not a fool. He’s asking me to be his blood giver, not his wife.”
Did she truly think me so impressionable and naive andyoung?
Then again, she didn’treallyknow me, did she?
“Kylorr can be highly possessive over the things we covet,” she told me. Her tone sounded distant as she said, “And he certainly covets you.”
She dropped my hand and rose from her knees. There was a shift in the room, a subtle change in the set of her shoulders. I could practicallyhearher thinking as she gazed unseeing around my meager belongings. The room she’d given me was small, but it had been the last one available at RaanaDyaan. Most of the blood givers didn’t live here. Most had families, homes of their own. It was just Grace, Illaira, and me living under Lesana and Draan’s roof.
“Will you turn down his offer?” she asked.
“I need the credits, Lesana,” I said quietly.
“For what?” she asked, her voice sharpening, pinning me with a frustrated gaze that I had only ever seen her reserve for blood givers she’d fired from RaanaDyaan. My heart gave a treacherous little lurch at the realization.
I hadn’t told anyone about my father. Not even Grace. I wasn’t entirely sure why either. But there was this strange fear I had. Like if I spoke about his death, it would make it true. It would make it real. Sometimes I had this twisted fantasy in my head that he was only living on Horrin. That he was waiting for me there. That once I reached him, everything would be right in the universe. I would feel safe and loved andhomeagain.
When I said nothing, Lesana dragged in a sharp breath.
“Turn down his offer, Millicent,” she told me. My brow furrowed, hearing the order in her voice. “I’ll raise your wages. You don’t even have to be a blood giver.”
“You will?” I asked in disbelief. “But why?”
“I want to help you. Just don’t tell the others,” she said. “But if I do this, you have to promise me something.”
“What is it?”
“Promise that you will never let him feed from you,” she said softly. “He will only taint you. House Kaalium has too many demons. And one of them lives in that keep beyond Stellara.”
I stared at Lesana, processing her words.
“Millicent,” she prompted when the silence stretched too long.
