“Is that how you justify it?” I breathed, thinking that was cruel. “Is that how you walk away with a clear conscious? Because you always knew that this would be temporary? That it wouldn’t matter how I felt about you, only that you were honest that you could never return my love?”
When he didn’t answer, I let out a sound that was a half sob and a half laugh. My brow furrowed, a spring of fresh tears blurring my vision even though I felt…lost.I didn’t know what to do. My chest ached. My body felt numb.
“Well, then…an agreement is an agreement,” I said, the words hollow. “You have me until tomorrow night. Would you like to feed now,Kyzaire? It’s been days, so you must be hungry.”
“Millie,” he said, his tone anguished. For the first time, my words seem to break through the thick shield of ice, striking hard enough to make him jerk. “You must think that I’m a monster if you think I would do that to you.”
But when he reached forward to cup my cheek, I nearly fell in my haste to get away. If he touched me, I’d crumble. I didn’t consider myself a proud person, not like he was, but right then I felt like I needed to save what little dignity I had left or else I truly wouldn’t respect myself come morning. When the fresh rays of sunlight brought clarity and shame.
“You know what I think?” I asked softly. “I think you’re afraid, Kythel. Just like me. I think you’re afraid to let go of your tightly leashed control, to disappoint your family, to do whatyouwant to do. Because you’ve never done what you want to do, isn’t that right?”
“Once,” he said, eyes burning. “And it cost my family more than you’ll ever know.”
“But that’s another secret you’ll keep from me, right?” I said before I thought better of it. Then my shoulders sagged. Suddenly, exhaustion weighed on me heavily. “Please. Just go, Kythel.”
“I’m not leaving you here. Not like this,” he said, shaking his head slowly.
“If you care for me at all, then you’ll leave,” I said, lifting my eyes to his. Though it took every ounce of self-control I possessed, I kept my voice even as I reasoned, “This was always going to end. We were always going to go our separate ways, weren’t we?”
His silence was answer enough.
A sad smile quirked my lips, and I looked past him, into the depths of Stellara, wondering if this was how Ruaala had felt. In these woods. Alone. Broken hearted. Angry.
“Did you think you could ever love me?”
The broken, whispered question was out of my lips before I could stop it. But I didn’t take it back. I needed to know.
When he shook his head, it felt like a blade to my gut, slicing me into pieces. I wanted to sink into the earth like Ruaala and stay there.
“Not like this,” he said quietly, stepping forward. “I was never free to love you, Millie. I could never allow myself to. Not like this.”
Silence descended as I processed the words, tears dripping down my cheeks, landing on the moss below my feet. He needed to leave. I didn’t want him to see me break down.
“Leave,” I pleaded softly before a sob broke from my lips. “Please.Please, Kythel.”
“If you intend to stay the night here, I’ll send a guard from the keep,” he finally rumbled. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw he was watching me, hand outstretching briefly before his fist curled and he pulled it back.
“No,” I said.
“What do you meanno?”
I wiped at the tears on my cheeks. I needed to get through these next few moments. That was all I needed to do.Just a few more moments,I pleaded with myself. When he was gone…then I could crumble.
You knew that this was coming. You felt it,I knew. That knowledge centered me. Strangely enough, it helped give me calm and peace when I needed it most.
“We made an agreement,” I said, proud when my voice didn’t waver. “At the end of it, you would place the cottage deed and the surrounding land into my father’s and Ruaala’s names. Unless you’ve changed your mind.”
“The cottage is yours, Millie,” he told me. “I wouldnevertake it away from you. You don’t have to worry about that.”
My shoulders loosened. “Then send a guard tonight if you wish. It’s not the moon winds yet, after all. But beginning tomorrow night, this land doesn’t belong to you anymore. Besides…I’m not your responsibility, Kythel.”
“Yes, you are,” he replied.
“You can’t protect me forever.”
“I can try,” came his determined words.
“Stop,” I said, a throbbing headache beginning to pound at my temples. “What you’re doing isn’t fair to me! Can’t you see that? Do you know how confusing and hurtful it is to me?”
