His brows shifted down. “Tell me,” he murmured again, his voice soft.
“It’s almost like a feeling at first,” I said. “An emotion. A want or a need. Then I think about it longer. Harder. I build it up until it’s a solid thing within me. I can feel it.”
I touched the place at the center of my torso, below my breasts but above my belly.
“Here. And then I feel a release.Relief. Because I suddenly know that I can make it happen. That it will be okay. That I can protect myself.”
“And even your father never knew?” he asked, frowning.
“I’m not sure,” I said, shaking my head, trying to think back. “I—I think my aunt may have, though. One time in the village, I rememberthisfeeling. She’d been yelling at me. Berating me because I forgot to wash our clothes when it was our turn at the well. And I felt it building, this need to make it go away, to make it…quiet. To make the feeling of shame disappear. And I remember crying and then…I remember herfalling. Falling so suddenly, like something had hit her. And I remember the look on her face when she stared up at me. Her nose had been broken. The blood…somuch blood.”
“Mina,” Wrune’s voice came quietly. “It’s all right,rei kassiri.”
I shook myself, licking my lips, looking back at Wrune. “I did that. I hurt her. I made her bleed. I think IknewI’d done it. Even then. But I didn’t want to believe it. We never spoke of it again, though she never came close to me after that. She stared at me like I was…”
Wrune’s hand came to my cheek.
“You were young,” he murmured. “You could not have known what you were doing.”
“Not until the fog,” I told him. “I didn’t know for sure until that moment, when I saw it so clearly for myself, for the first time. And then you…”
“What about me?” he asked.
“That morning,” I whispered. I swallowed, knowing it was a sensitive subject for us. We never talked about it. “The others don’t know what I can do. Not even Tess. I was supposed to lead you through the fog quickly to the others, as quickly as possible. But then I saw you and I just wanted to look at you. And that morning, I feltcontrolover the fog, control like I’d never had before. I could maneuver it so easily. I felt strong in my power, stronger than ever before. And I think it wasyou.”
I didn’t know how to explain it to him. I didn’t even know how to explain these things tomyself.
“I felt connected to you and I think you helped with my control.”
His breath blew out and he ducked his head, pressing his lips to mine like he couldn’t resist the small, wonderful little contact.
“I told you,” he murmured. “I know you felt it because I did too.”
I savored his warmth and his scent and his taste.
Then I pulled back. And I felt shame build inside me as I confessed, “I like the fog, Wrune.”
His shoulders tensed briefly but his gaze was open, warm even, as he regarded me.
“I know it’s a terrible thing,” I continued. “Itdoesterrible things. Things I’ve seen, things I’ve witnessed for myself. And yet…I can withstand something that very few can. It made me feel powerful and for an otherwise powerless being, that was an addicting feeling. In the fog, I wassafe.”
“Mina,” he murmured and I saw the understanding flash through his gaze.
“I was safe. No one could touch me. No one could reach me. Sometimes, I would just pretend that I could make a home inside it. Because that way, I would be safe forever.”
Wrune didn’t say anything after my ugly confession. He didn’t pull away, however. He didn’t look at me with disgust.
Instead, he lay back down on the rugs, only he pulled me down on top of him this time. I blinked, finding myself straddling my husband’s hips, my hands braced on his wide, scarred chest. A position I’d been in an hour or so ago, though it had been a moment filled with very different feelings and emotions than guilt and shame.
His hands settled on my waist as he noted, “That would have been a very lonely existence,rei Morakkari. Don’t you think?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “I know.”
“How would I have found you that deep in the fog if you’d done that?” he asked next, catching me by surprise.
His hair was spread out beneath him and his body was warm beneath me.
“You wouldn’t have looked for me,” I noted softly. “You didn’t know I existed on this planet.”
