“And where were you, during all of this?” Valavik asked. “Taking out your frustrations ondarukkarson the training grounds. Or calling meeting after meeting with the council, if only to avoid your own bed.Vok, Rowin. Maybe it would have been better if Ihadmarried her. At least I wouldcareabout her. At least I would—”
I was up in an instant. His furs were clenched in my fists until I swung him around and threw him back against the mountain wall, his furious gaze meeting my own.
“Be very careful with your next words,pujerak,” I snarled. “My temper has been short as of late.”
“A long night seated between your wife’s thighs might help with that,” Valavik growled back, bringing his hands up to my wrists and flinging them away.
“She doesn’t want me!” I roared, my frustration finally boiling over. “Ivokkinghurt her. I made her bleed! I left her that first night. And if she doesn’t already, then sheshouldhate me for it!”
Cursing, I turned from him, walking to the cliff’s edge to look out over the Dead Valley, in its dark vastness. I blew out a rough breath, trying to quiet the self-hatred I’d felt since I first realized I’d hurt her during thetassimara. Trying to quiet the sudden jealousy that flowed hot in my veins at the thought of Mina with mypujerak.
Long moments passed between us.
Finally, Valavik said, his voice noticeably quieter, “You do care about her. I know you do, Rowin.”
“When we were under the Dead Mountain,” I said, my eyes fastening on that wretched place, though it was shrouded in fog, “she came to me every night. I had fresh wounds for her to clean, wounds made by my own sword. She brought me water. She brought light. She even gave me portions of her own food, though I knew she was starving. And she did all this at great risk to herself, that bravekalles. At first, I thought she was sent to me purposefully. To gain my trust, to seek information about my horde. But it quickly became apparent to me that that wasn’t the case. She was mistreated by her own people.Abusedright in front of me when I could do nothing to stop it.”
Those words fell from my lips like a harsh curse.
“She came to me because shewantedto help me. And even then, when she helped set me free, she begged me not to kill those that had wronged her. She said that she couldn’t stand any more death,” I said, swallowing. “I knew, even before she helped free me, that I would take her for the horde. I told myself it was because of my duty. But truthfully…I wanted her. I wanted her for myself.”
“Then take her,” Valavik said, coming to my side. Even inDothik, he’d been my friend. My advisor. He was wise well beyond his years. He would have made a goodVorakkarbut he didn’t have the stomach for battle, for death, not like I did. The old saying was thatVorakkarsneeded to be cruel to lead best.
And Valavik wasn’t cruel.
“She is yourMorakkarinow. You are mated to her for life. Though some males stray from their wives’ beds, I know you are not that male, Rowin,” Valavik said. “As such, it is in your best interest to make this work with her.”
“I threatened those she cares about under the Dead Mountain,” I said. “That was the only reason she agreed to be my queen.”
Valavik went quiet.
“And would you have seen those threats through?” he asked.
I scoffed. “I don’t know. She told me there are females and children down there. But I think I would have said anything to make her agree.”
“Then give her a reason tochooseyou instead of keeping her chained.”
“How?” I asked quietly, discomfort swimming in my chest.
For all my experiences with females, they had mostly been confined to my furs. I knew nothing aboutwooinga female, courting one. Especially a human female who had become myMorakkari.
“I saw the shell that my father was as I grew up,” I told Valavik quietly. “I always knew something was wrong but it wasn’t until I learned of how deep my parents’ love was that I began to understand. He taught me to be wary of females. He taught me to be wary of partnership. Of love. All my life. My father only ever said, in his bitterness, in his hatred of me, that femalesruinedmales.” My lips twisted bitterly. “In the fog, in those first moments with her and all the ones that came afterwards, I understood what he meant. And now I have a female of my own. And I have novokkingidea how to treat her and so I push her away. Because it is what I know. It is what I know how to do best.”
“Vok,Rowin,” Valavik said, his voice low. Sympathetic. Carefully, he said, “With all due respect to yourpattar, hewashalf-mad by the time he passed into the next world. He was an angry, grief-ridden male. We all heard the stories. Of how he trained you in secret before you could even lift a sword. You were scarred before you could even walk.”
I blew out a sharp breath. “I know the failings of my father better than most. Believe me.”
“Then recognize that he waswrong,” Valavik said. “Or else you and your queen will both suffer for it.”
I looked up at the night sky. Clear and endless. The stars were bright. Constellations that depicted Drukkar’s great battle greeted me, though I couldn’t help but feel it was an omen of what would come.
“I know what I have to do,” I told Valavik, turning to face him, reaching out to clasp his shoulder. “It is long overdue.”
“Begging for forgiveness was never your strength,” he said wryly, though a part of him looked delighted at the prospect. “I almost wish I could witness it for myself.”
His small laugh echoed as I turned from him, heading back down the slope that led to the ledge.
I needed to find myMorakkari.
