“Lokkaru told me about the Killup child you found,” I told him softly. “You take in little helpless creatures that you find. You give them a home, give them stability. You make them feel…safe.”
He stilled when he realized what I was saying. “You count yourself among those little helpless creatures?”
I blew out a breath. “All I’m trying to say is that you’ve called yourself a monster. And I don’t see one at all. I don’t know whyyoucan’t see it. You’re the opposite of one. You’re in the habit of helping others even when you don’t need to.”
“I am certain not many would share your view,leikavi.”
Lokkaru did.
“And if you knew all that I have done, all that I am capable of…” he trailed off, his words a warning. “You would think otherwise too.”
“Then let me be the judge of that,” I said. “Tell me the worst thing you’ve ever done and let me decide for myself.”
He huffed out a breath. Then, with a tone I couldn’t recognize, he murmured, “Sometimes I wonder what happened to that frightened little creature I stumbled upon inDothik.”
My lips twitched, though I didn’t feel much amusement in his words. “Maybe she realized there was nothing to be frightenedof.”
“Perhaps there is.”
A long stretch of silence floated between us. The only sound was Nillima’s clawed hooves digging into the earth as she walked.
I don’t know why but I felt hurt, disappointed, though I thought I had no right to be. I didn’t own his stories, his memories. I hadwantedhim to confide in me, to trust me with them…but his silence was answer enough.
“Davik.”
His words were harsh and tight. “I am trying,leikavi. I truly am. I—I just…I cannot make the words come. I haveneverspoken about this. There are many things I have never spoken of.”
My shoulders sagged. “It’s all right,” I whispered. “You don’t need to—”
He lifted me, making me gasp, turning me around on Nillima’s back so I faced him as he brought her to a stop. I looked up at him in surprise, my hands coming to rest on his chest to keep my balance.
His arms wrapped tight, as if I would pull away.
“Davik?”
“Iwantto tell you about her,leikavi,” he rasped, dropping his forehead down to mine. “About what happened to her and my family.”
“But you need more time,” I guessed softly, hearing what went unspoken in his voice.
“Lysi. One day, I will tell you everything,” he promised.
My smile was sad because I knew that that day would never come. “I understand.”
When he pulled away to regard me, his expression was tight. His eyes flickered like he was trying to decide something, his lips pressed tight together.
His exhale was sharp and then he said, “But I will…I will tell you about what happened afterwards. After my sister and my parents died. I will tell you my story in reverse. And it is something I should have told you before I ever even touched you.”
My brows drew together. His voice was grim…as if whatever he was about to tell me was another one of those things he’d never spoken of.
“Sex is…sex can be difficult for me,” he murmured.
I stiffened, my lips parting, unsure where he was going with this…all the while remembering that night he’d taken me to his bed for the first time. Something had been strange about it and not only because he’d been too rough in the beginning. He’d kept saying he wanted to berightfor me—as if he was already broken.
“After my family died, I was alone,” he said, his voice gruff. “I was alone inDothikwith little gold. The hordes…we have no concept of payment, not like in the capital. We work together to live. We exchange goods, not gold. But inDothik, gold is life and without it, you are as good as dead.”
I sat still, my hands still pressed to his chest so I felt how quickly his heart was beating beneath my palm.
“There was a female that took me in from the streets,” he rasped. “Her…her name was Mala.”
