My heart felt warm again and I scratched at my chest, not sure I liked the feeling, though I knew Vienne had given it to me. She’d placed it there like a gift but sometimes it felt more like a curse. It felt like my heart had been locked away and only she would be able to access it.
“They will not be here long anyways,” I found myself needing to add.
Hedna held his hands up, though his smirk never left. “I did not say a word,Vorakkar.”
I growled again, already turning towards the entrance, intent on finding mykalles. I thought she must be walking around the horde. She’d liked to do that with Lokkaru. I’d seen them multiple times together in the past week.
Just thinking about Lokkaru and myleikavisent a pang shooting through my chest. I thumped it with my fist to make it disappear faster.
“Should I send a reply?” Hedna asked before I left. “Or will you?”
I paused, knowing I should. “Vok,” I murmured under my breath, my hand already reaching behind me for my dagger so I could cut a strip of parchment to return with thethesper.
When my hand grasped at air, where I knew with certainty that one of my daggersshouldbe, I froze.
Nik, impossible. I would not have misplaced it. Every day, I wore them. Every night, I carefully ensured they were sheathed when I removed them. They’d been a gift from my sister, after all. I remembered her giving them to me. She thought they would make me feel better after our horde had fallen, after we’d been forced to return toDothik. Her eyes had been sad but hopeful as she’d watched me unsheath them.
I’d hated them on sight because they reminded me that we were not in the wild lands any longer. I’d remembered thatshe’dwanted to return toDothik, that she was happy to be in the capital city, among the bustling and excitement and luxuries.
A part of me had hated her when she’d given them to me, had hated the hope in her eyes because she’d wanted me to like them, she’d wanted me to likeDothik, our new life.
I’d hated the daggers then. Now, they were what I cherished most.
I would not have been careless with them.
My mind stumbled on another possibility and my heart stopped with cold, cold dread.
“What is it?” Hedna asked.
“You have not seen her at all this morning?” I asked carefully. Something was wrong. I could feel it.
“Nik,” he replied instantly. Mypujerakstraightened, hearing something in my tone that only he would recognize. “What is wrong, Drokka? Where is she?”
But I was already storming from thevoliki, tossing the flaps back with a violent shove.
“Look for her!” I commanded mypujerak, gesturing at him to take the south side of the encampment while I headed north.
Nik,she is here. She has to be, I told myself, even as I raced through my horde, my eyes scanning every inch of it that was visible.
Every moment I didn’t see her, didn’tsenseher, I grew more and more panicked. Rage and fear were beginning to blacken my mind, those familiar emotions that had protected it from fracturing all these years.
My eyes alighted on Lokkaru’svoliki, which had not been broken down yet, which would stand for the rest of the season in memory of her. A tendril of hope passed through my chest and I reached it quickly, ducking my head inside.
“Vienne—”
It was empty. Dark. Cold. The columns of the blue-colored candles they’d made together sat discarded on Lokkaru’s workbench. It smelled ofkuveribut I scented the lingering of death and it made bile rise in my throat.
Hedna found me when I stumbled back from the emptyvoliki.
His brows were furrowed, his features concerned. “I did not see her anywhere.”
“Vok,” I said,tryingto think. I stood still, closing my eyes, trying to regulate my breath and the frantic beating of my heart.
Then her words came to me. Words she’d whispered last night as she emerged from sleep.
You’ve known. You’ve known this entire time.
Unease slid down my chest, settling in my belly.
