It was what she wanted. It was exactly what she wanted to hear, I could see that in her expressive face.
But still, she demanded more. “Then why did you do it?”
“Because you frightened me,” I told her honestly. Her lips parted. “I have lived my life a certain way for a long time. Even when I was young inDothik, I had a certain freedom. I did not have to answer to anyone, not even my mother. AsVorakkar, one would think I would have more freedom, but there are certain things to be considered and sometimes it leaves me shackled, not free.”
“You…” she trailed off, her eyes flickering between my own. “These things you have to consider…is one of them your choice ofMorakkari?”
My lips pressed together. It was here I had to tread carefully.
“Lysi,” I rasped, running a hand through my already disheveled hair. “I…I will not lie to you, Nelle. I cannot make you promises, not the promises I wish I could make to you, but I will try. For us.”
“You’re still frightened,” she observed softly, frowning.
“Aren’t you?” I returned.
Her gaze dropped to my chest as she pondered my question.
“You’re offering me not a ‘yes’ or a ‘no,’ but a ‘maybe.’”
I inclined my head, my nostrils flaring, my heartbeat ringing in my ears. Because truthfully, I didn’t know what I would do if she rejected me—if she rejectedthis.
The past few days had proven that she’d found her way into every part of me. I’d barely eaten, I hadn’t slept, and when I’d tried, I’d found myself reaching for her throughout the long nights.
“I’ll need to think about it,” she said softly, meeting my gaze.
It wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear, but it was better than a refusal.
I swallowed, nodding. “Lysi. I understand.”
“You’ll be leaving forDothiksoon,” she said next.
“I leave the morning after the frost feast. I have lingered too long here and the moon is almost full.”
Its light shone over her even then, growing with each passing night.
She let out a small breath and nodded. “You’re still my friend, Seerin. No matter what. I’ll still worry for you. I’ll still miss you.”
I brushed her cheek once, but then my hand retreated.
“And I will miss you,rei thissie.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The night of the frost feast came quickly yet slowly. During the days, time seemed to speed up because I spent my time between the weapons tent and in Avuli’svoliki, helping her with the seemingly endless amount of repairs that had flooded in over the past two days.
At the end of the day, I was exhausted, my hands cramping and aching. Truthfully, I was thankful for it, because it meant I was distracted.
But even that distraction didn’t last long and lying in my bed of furs at night, time slowed because all I could think about was Seerin. After the night out on the plains, I’d seen and spoken to him briefly around camp, but nothing more. As if he was giving me space and time to decide what I wanted to do, he hadn’t attempted to come to myvolikiafter dark.
Truthfully, I’d already had my answer for him that night. I’d felt it deep in my chest. However, I hadn’t wanted to be too impulsive. I deserved the time to think, to weigh the possibilities and risks, but when the night of the frost feast came, my answer remained unchanged.
And I was all too aware that he was leaving forDothikin the morning.
I’ll tell him tonight, I thought, a fluttering sensation of anticipation and excitement flowing through me as Avuli helped me lace up the back of my dress.
Only a slight hesitation remained within me, a warning, but I ignored it. If I was going to do this, I decided, I would give it my all. I didn’t want to regret anything. I remembered my vow to take advantage of my time here and if that meant having Seerin as mine, I would do it.
“All done,” Avuli said, turning me so she could inspect the front of the dress. I’d never worn one before, unless my night shift counted, but it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever donned.
