I hadn’t, had I?
The only thing I could think was that he was angry, or embarrassed perhaps, that he cared for me. I knew he did. But why would he not admit it unless he wished he didn’t? Unless I shamed him in some way? I’d always known that he was aVorakkarand I was a human, but I thought that perhaps it didn’t matter to him.
But it seems like it does matter, I thought, familiar rejection tightening my chest, making it difficult to breathe.
Gone was my desire. Left in its place was an icy chill that rivaled the temperature outside. The tension in thevolikihad changed from charged and exciting to heavy and thick.
“Seerin,” I said, rising from my knees, my jaw set, wanting to give him a chance to explain, wanting to believe I was only making it all up in my head.
“Neffar?” he rasped, his back to me, rummaging through something in his cabinets.
“Why are you being this way?”
“I am not yours, Nelle,” he growled. “Do not ever think of me as yours.”
“But I can beyours?” I asked, furrowing my brow, not understanding. “Why are you allowed to call me yours but I cannot do the same?”
“Believe me, I willnotmake that mistake again,” he rasped and I barely held back my flinch. When he turned to me, a tall, yellow bottle was in his grip. His oils.
So, thiswasa rejection.
I wouldn’t lie, itstung. There I’d been…thinking I was falling in love with him as he talked of starlings. My inexperience with males had never been more evident than it was right at that moment.
And he’d flipped so quickly, my words obviously a trigger, something he’d been thinking about. Why else would he react so strongly?
“I see,” I said softly.
Then a tiny flame of anger snuffed out a little of the hurt. Perhaps I didn’t hold onto pride as much as others did. Perhaps I was a little pathetic in his eyes—I couldn’t be certain anymore how he viewed me. But if he believed that I would touch him now, knowing that he was only interested in sex and repelled that I’d called him ‘my demon king,’ then he had no idea how brightly my pride could shine.
“You can start with my back,” he rasped, stalking towards me. He seemed even larger in his anger and he held my eyes, as if daring me to challenge him.
This Seerin was cold, biting. This Seerin I didn’t recognize. Perhaps this was the darkerVorakkarunderneath, the one who’d ordered my punishment unflinchingly, but certainly not the one who’d been hell-bent on saving me from fever and infection.
Perhaps they were one in the same and I’d been blind to it.
“I think Iwillleave now,” I informed him softly, lifting my chin. His eyes narrowed. “You’re being unnecessarily callous when I’ve done nothing wrong. I won’t let you treat me this way.”
If caring for him and assuming he cared for me was wrong then he could very well go find anotheralukkiri, our agreement be damned. I didn’t care. Not anymore.
Something in his gaze flickered, but I didn’t wait for him to reply. My head had begun to throb, so I turned my back.
I left thevolikiwithout another word.
Chapter Twenty-Three
That night, I went to the training grounds. I was too upset to return to my tent. The idea of sitting inside, with Seerin’s words ringing through my mind endlessly, left me restless.
The training grounds were empty, as I suspected they’d be. The whole encampment was quiet. Only a crazy person would be out in the dead of night during the cold season, but the numbness I felt enveloping my body feltgood.
I walked to the weapons rack and plucked off the bow and the quiver of arrows. As I walked, I inspected the Dakkari arrow of steel, memorizing the lines, the expert way the fletching tilted up, and wondered if I’d ever be able to make something so intricate. Would I be in the encampment long enough to learn how?
I frowned, feeling my chest pinch slightly at the thought. I thought of Seerin. I felt like my hand was still warm from his cock and I drew in a ragged breath, trying to ignore the hurt that burned in my belly.
One, I thought quietly, in desperate need of a distraction,the frostbitten mountains.
Two, the glow of the barrel fire.
Three, the blackened hide roof of the weapons rack.
