When we neared mypujerak’shome, Vodan finally broke that silence with, “I saw you with thevekkirilast night.”
I stilled and turned to look at him. Next to a barrel fire, I watched my oldest friend’s face glow yellow.
“In the training grounds,” Vodan added. He met my eyes. “Are we never going to talk about her?”
“I do not want to do this tonight,” I rasped.
“The council has been talking. I thought you should know.”
“Vok,” I cursed, temples still throbbing.
“You assigning her a separatevolikihas calmed them somewhat, but it is only a matter of time before they will confront you about her.”
I wondered if Arokan of Rath Kitala had needed to deal with his council in this way when he chose to select avekkirias hisMorakkari.Or had he simply done it without fear of the elders? As far as I knew, Arokan hadn’t even informed theDothikkarof his choice of a bride.
“I am not taking her as myMorakkari,” I told Vodan, though the words felt heavy falling from my tongue.
The horde always comes first, I reminded myself.
Arokan could do whatever thevokhe pleased. He’d come from a long line ofVorakkars. His father had been one, his mother aMorakkariherself. His blood line was strong, unbroken.
I, on the other hand, could not afford such luxuries. There were those inDothikstillwaiting for me, a whore’s bastard son, to fail. I could not show weakness in anything I did.
Vodan’s expression revealed his skepticism at my words, yet he said, “Then choose another and be quick about it.”
He clasped my arm and then disappeared into his ownvolikia short distance away. I heard his mate greet him inside and right at that moment, I envied him fiercely.
Inhaling the piercing, icy air, I scrubbed a hand over my face. Then my eyes seemed to findhervolikistraight away. Newly constructed, it was small…and it was the closestvolikito my own.
Longing built in my chest. Just the thought of seeing her, of looking into those dark, solemn eyes, eased the tension that had been building throughout the day.
Of their own accord, my feet carried me towards hervoliki. I’d had a warrior escort her there earlier in the afternoon, as promised, but hadn’t heard anything since.
I am not taking her as myMorakkari.
Vodan had said,Then find another and be quick about it.
When I reached hervoliki, I knew that I should walk past it. I knew that I should go to my furs alone, that I should never kiss her or touch her again, though just the thought made me mourn the great loss. It would make letting her go so much easier, when she’d already clawed her way inside me with her demon eyes.
Leave, I told myself.Go.
Before I could, I saw her. Her head popped out from thevoliki’sentrance, peering at me with a frown.
“What are you doing?” she asked, her soft, strange, accented voice like a balm on the stresses and irritations from the council meeting.
That was when I knew I was weak. When it came to her, I was so damn weak. Though the council disapproved, though Vodan disapproved, though she risked everything I’d built, I didn’t know if I had the strength to stay away from her.
I walked towards thevolikiand ducked inside, forcing her back in. She was shivering, though she’d barely been outside for a moment. Within, I saw her small fire was going and it was warm. The wholevolikismelled like her, soft and clean.
There was a small bed of furs in the middle, where it was warmest. She had a low table for her meals, one chest, and a small cabinet. On top of the cabinet, I spied the dagger I’d given her and a shimmering rock next to it.
“It’s lovely, isn’t it?” she asked me, smiling with pleasure as she looked at hervoliki, obviously very pleased with her modest home.
My chest throbbed. I wanted to give her everything. I wanted to care for her, to protect her, to shield her from this life.
Yet I couldn’t.
She seemed to notice I hadn’t yet spoken and she peered at me, tilting her head to the side. “What’s wrong, Seerin? You look strange.”
