Then I will search for them after the thaw, I thought. I knew there were Dakkari outposts spread out among Dakkar. Perhaps they would help me locate the horde, or perhaps I would come across another on my way. No longer was I wary of the Dakkari. Humans feared them like they were monsters who would attack on sight. But I knew better. Approaching them didn’t frighten me.
Until I found them, I could survive on my own as I searched. I was a hunter who could kill more than grounders, orrikcrunas I now knew they were called. I had seen enoughvolikisto know I could create a suitable makeshift shelter once I collected enough hides and dried them. I knew where to search for water.
I had time to plan. I had time to create another bow. The thaw was over a month away. I didn’t know when the child would come, but I knew that I wanted to be in a safe place before the birth.
It was a risk, leaving my village, but it was a risk I was willing to take for the sake of my child. For the sake of ourfuture. Ahappyfuture.
I settled my hands over my already growing belly, feeling a hesitant hope well in my chest.
“We can do this,” I whispered softly to an empty, darkened, cold room. “I will protect you. I promise.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
“Where is she?” I rasped to thevekkirimale I recognized as the village’s leader, who’d approached the moment I swung off Lokkas’ back. Ice clung to the black pelt around my shoulders and my face felt chaffed and raw from the wind.
The journey had been short, yet impossibly long, stretching from one moment to the next as I raced to reach Nelle. I had only stopped once to allow Lokkas rest, and to hunt a couplerikcrunfor us to eat, which was the easiest meat to catch during the cold season in that part of Dakkar. Beyond that, we had ridden through the night, through the morning, and the afternoon. Now, darkness had long settled over the land. It was the early hours of morning.
The leader looked shocked and wary that I was there, holding up a flickering lantern between us. His eyes squinted behind me, no doubt looking for my warriors in the dark.
“Where is she?” I repeated in the universal tongue. I had not spoken the language in over two weeks and it felt both achingly familiar and strange on my tongue.
The prospect that my horde could be waiting out in the dark, beyond his line of sight, was leaving him shaken. His hand trembled as he pointed towards the back of the small village, towards a row of wooden, short homes. “I’ll show you.”
The village was quiet and sparse. Their homes were made ofwood, some with small, smudged windows and chipped doors. The stench of waste permeated the village, as if they hadn’t properly disposed of it. Faces appeared in the dirtied windows we passed—males, females, even children peering out. Gaunt, mistrustful, wary faces.
This was where mythissiehad grown up, where she had lived, where she had willingly returned to.
My fists clenched at my sides. I was not indifferent to their suffering. It was similar suffering to what I’d seen inDothikas a child.
The leader pointed to the end of a row of four houses. “That is hers,” he said in a hushed voice.
Faint yellow light spilled from several cracks I saw in the walls, in the doors. I didn’t wait another moment and stalked to it, needing to ensure she was safe. I’d thought of nothing else as I’d ridden to her village.
When I pushed open her door, something within crashed. I heard a sharp intake of breath and the unmistakable sound of Dakkari steel whistling from a sheath. I stepped inside, carefully not to let the cold in, and closed the brittle door behind me.
Nelle was within, kneeling on the floor among furs. It was herbed, I realized with another sharp ache in my chest. She slept on the floor with only a single fur for warmth. She’d been asleep, a small lantern burning next to her…in addition to a Dakkari dagger. It wasn’t the one I’d given her, but I recognized the weapons master’s work.
The sight of her released something in me, something tight and painful.
“Nelle,” I said softly, drinking her in. My palm trembled as I ran it down my face, wiping away some of the ice melting from my hair.
Her eyes were on me. However, her expression was unreadable for possibly the first time since I’d encountered her. She didn’t even look shocked to see me barge into her village home.
“What are you doing here?” she asked quietly, lowering the dagger. Had she needed to use it already? The thought made me want to bellow in frustration, especially when I realized the object that had crashed when I pushed inside was a broken chair. She’d wedged it up against the door as she slept. For added security and protection?Ishould be protecting her.
“You should not be here,thissie,” I said, my words stilted. I’d been on Lokkas for over a full day and a full night. I’d had time to think what to say to her once I found her, so why were the words sticking in my throat? “You belong with the horde.”
“I left,” she said, as if it weren’t obvious. Still, I could not read my normally expressivekalles. Her eyes were dark in the low light and they gave away nothing. Not even the normal glimmer of curiosity that almost constantly shone there. It worried me.
“Without telling me,” I rasped, raking a hand through my tangled hair. “Without…”
“I did not realize I needed your permission to leave,” she said, pushing up from the floor, standing. She was dressed in her pelt and the clothes that the seamstress had made for her. “I was not a prisoner there.”
“Nik, I meant—”
“Youshould not be here,” she said, levelling her gaze at me. I was so used to seeing her eyes filled with warmth and amusement andlifethat seeing them so empty brought me physical pain. BecauseI’ddone that to her. “You should be with your horde.”
“The moment I found out you were gone, I came straight here,” I said, approaching her, bridging the short distance between us. “I did not even realize you weregoneuntil last night. And when I found out…”
