“Hmmm,” her mother had looked over at Lauren, who was still quiet. “How about you two tellmea story tonight instead? How does that sound?”
“A story about what?” Lauren finally asked.
“I don’t know,” Mom said. “What did you play today, out in the woods?”
Crystal grew excited. “We came up with a new story today. It’s about goblins.”
“Then tell me about these goblins,” her mother requested. “What did they do today?”
“Their names are Krane and Jron,” Lauren supplied, perking a little from her quiet state.
“Krane declared his love for the goblin princess today in front of the entire kingdom,” Crystal added. “We will have the wedding tomorrow. We’re making flower crowns.”
“That’s a very short time to plan a wedding,” their mother noted, smiling softly. “But maybe goblin weddings are easier. And how did this Krane confess his love, huh?”
“It was embarrassing,” Crystal said, making a face. “Wasn’t it, Lauren?”
Lauren made the face back. “It was romantic, not embarrassing. But you’re too young to understand.”
“He screamed it out in front ofeveryone,” Crystal told their mother. “He’s a thief, you know. He’s not allowed to marry the princess.”
“But he didn’t care because he loves her,” Lauren argued. “And she loves him.”
“Mom,” Crystal said, a whining edge to her voice. “Tell her it’s embarrassing. She just thinks it’s romantic because she likes that boy at school now.”
“I do not!”
“It’s not embarrassing, love,” their mother told her softly, stroking her hand through her hair. “You should want someone who will make a fool of themselves for you.”
“Why?” she asked, making another face.
Their mother sighed and smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes.
“Mom?” Lauren prompted when she didn’t say anything.
“What I wish for both of you girls,” their mother began, “is that you find someone who supports you, who respects you, and who will cherish you for the rest of their lives. Because you deserve that, do you understand? You deserve that kind of love.”
Crystal and Lauren looked at each other. Lauren went quiet again and Crystal had the strangest sense that their mother wasn’t talking about Krane at all.
Crystal distinctly remembered their mother crying right then. Not much, but she remembered tears running down her face.
Then, their mother had wiped them away, took in a deep breath, and said, “Now, tell me about this goblin wedding. Will there be cake?”
Crystal stared out at the trees ofKroratax, surfacing from the old memory, a little hazy with age, but her mother’s words were sharp and crisp, as if she’d just spoken them yesterday.
Then she couldn’t help but remember the phone call the night before her mother had died. During that phone call, her mother had pleaded with her towake up. She’d told her that Leo wasn’t the man she wanted for her, that it wasn’t the love that shedeserved, that it wasn’t love at all.
But what Crystal hadn’t been able to voice on the phone that night was that she’d thought her mother was wrong. Her self-worth had been so low, her self-esteem absolutely destroyed that she’d actuallybelievedshe didn’t deserve anything more.
It was me, she thought, her breath escaping her.It wasn’t because of Leo.
It wasn’t because of Leo that she’d turned her back on her family. It was because of who she’d become. And yes, perhaps, it had been at his hands, because of his abuse, but it was Crystal that had shut her family out purposefully. Because her mother was ashamed of who’d she’d become. Because Lauren could hardly stand to look at her. Because Crystal could hardly stand to look atherself. Because Crystal didn’t have the strength and the confidence to stand up to her abuser and simply walk away.
Crystal wrapped her arms around her body.
She stared into the dark forests ofKrorataxbefore lifting her face to the misty sky.
Beks said love was simple. The emotion itself was, in its most pure form. It was everything else—all the doubts, all the worries, all the circumstances surrounding it—that made it complicated.
