“You’re,” she started because she thought she should at leasttryto explain the bubbling of emotions inside her. “You’re the first male I’ve been with since…”
She didn’t want to say his name. She didn’t really want to think about him ever again so she told herself that she wouldn’t even say his name.
He blew out an unsteady breath, his muscles going tight against her. “Really?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “I feel like I’ve locked myself away because of it, that I’ve built up these high walls around me to keep me safe…and yet right now, with you, I feel like I’m…”
“Tev?”
“I feel like I’m free,” she whispered, looking up at him, her voice almost awed. “I wasn’t crying because of what you were doing. It was amazing.Youare amazing. I just…that feeling overwhelmed me because it’s such a frightening but wonderful thing.”
His expression changed, though it was still unreadable. But there was something raw in his voice when he said, “I do not…I do not know if I can ever let you go, luxiva.”
Her belly tightened.
He meant back to Earth, if she decided to return home.
What would happen to him if she did?
She blinked back fresh tears and pressed her cheek to his chest so he wouldn’t see them. She didn’t reply because she didn’t know what to say. There were too many things to think about in regards to that and she didn’t think she had the energy to. Not after what they’d just done.
She felt raw and aching, yet charged and blissful. So why did she suddenly feel so sad? Was it because when he said those words he made it seem like she’d already made up her mind to leave?
Crystal thought of Lauren, back on Earth, though it was such a strange time to think of her. She would be seven months pregnant soon, unless she’d lost track of time, and Crystal would become an aunt to a beautiful little girl.
Would she ever see her though? Would she ever hug her sister again or laugh and play with her niece?
She let out a shuddering sigh into his skin and she listened to the sound of soft water trickling around them.
“Tell me about your sisters,” she asked.
If the request seemed strange, he didn’t comment on it. Instead, his hand ran through her wet hair, his dulled claws scraping pleasantly against her scalp.
“Their names were Kihxa and Ruttana,” he said, his voice quiet, deep. “They were younger than I. They should have survived it, most of the young did, but they did not.”
She heard the grief in his voice and she pressed her palm to his chest, feeling the thumping of his heart against it.
“Kihxa was kind. She was quiet and soft spoken. She liked to walk along the cliffs of theOtyliaand I would walk with her sometimes when I was free of my training. She liked to talk about the others in our outpost, about those she knew or wished to know. She liked to think about their lives, about what they might become. There was a male in warrior training who she loved, but males in training are not allowed to take mates, unless they are fated. Not until they complete their required rotations. He loved her too, long after she died even.”
“What happened to him?” she asked, heartbroken for the both of them.
“He died during the war with the Jetutians,” Cruxan said, his voice gruff. “During the first rotation of it.”
Crystal pressed her lips together, thinking about all the tragedy that Luxirians must’ve experienced during that time. The tragedy that Cruxan had suffered…
“Rutanna…” he trailed off, a strange sound emerging from his throat. “She was like me, though that is not something to be celebrated. We were the complete opposites of our lovely Kihxa.” He gave her a sad smile that she felt pull at her chest. “She was mischievous. I do not know how many times I, or my mother, or my sire, or my sister had pulled her from some scheme or another. She stole a hovercraft once from the command center, left us a Com message that she was leavingOtala, to go live in the Golden City, though she knew no one there, though she had no where to live. I managed to track her down near here, nearKroratax,and I dragged her home, though she screamed at me the whole way back that I was ruining her life span.”
Crystal couldn’t help but chuckle, especially when she saw the rueful smile on Cruxan’s features.
“And she liked the males, believe me,” Cruxan murmured, shaking his head. “I have fought more males than I care to admit because of Rutanna. My father would have locked her away had he known how many,” he added, his lips pressing together at the mention of him. “I loved them both. I miss them often. Especially inOtala, where the memory of them is everywhere.”
“And your mother?”
“She was the best of us all,” he said simply, looking down at her. And that was all he needed to say to convey his love for her. She saw it there, his respect, his loss, his grief…
She reached up a hand to touch his cheek. “You sounded like you were a good brother. A good son,” she said softly.
“Is it strange that I still try to be, though they are all gone?” he asked.
