Cruxan broke the charged silence with, “Now, come. Eat. The meat is ready, female.”
Chapter Sixteen
For perhaps the first time in his life span, Cruxan was in agony over a female.
He was brooding. He knew it. But he felt dozens of emotions at once as he watched his female sleep, curled on the cold stone of thefacevcave, curled in on herself, close to the fire he kept roaring.
He felt shame because he could not provide the things he wanted for her: warm clothes, plush furs, a feast of Luxirian braised meats, a hot soak in the washing pool with luxurious oils and soaps.
He felt need. The need to be close to her, to touch her soft, delicate skin when he wished, to hold her in the safety of his arms, to breathe in the scent of her hair, to be seated deep inside her, nothing between them.
He felt disappointment because it was clear that she wanted none of those things fromhim. She did not have the need for those things, not like he did. They were not matched in that aspect, concerning sex and touch.
He felt unease because she was so certain that there was no future for them. She wouldn’t even spare it a thought, wouldn’t even consider the possibility. And if she didn’t, how would he ever convince her to stay? What could he offer her when she’d made it clear she wanted nothing from him?
So, he brooded. Seated on the floor of thefacev, he continued to craft small coverings for his female’s feet. He whittled down the sheets of bark from thepillervatrees until they were pliable, soft, and yet strong. He twined threads of white moss together, making cordage to secure the flat soles of the bark to her feet.
They would be leaving thepillervaforest behind soon. The mountain range was giving way to the western lands ofKrorataxand while the western lands were still lush with forests, their floors would not be covered with moss. His female would need protection, just in case.
He crafted them late into the night as hisluxivaslept soundly. Outside, he heard the rain pouring down, but there was no thunder that night. And while there was a chill in the cave, the fire held it at bay.
His eyes couldn’t stay away from her for long, though, truthfully, it pained him to look at her. Control wasn’t something he knew well, not like Lihvan’s control or Vaxa’an’s control. Cruxan, on the other hand, liked to express his desires, his wants. He relished a good fight in the training pits, when he was unleashed and free. He savored a good mating with a female, where he was unleashed and free in a different way.
But Cruxan found himself exercising control, not only over his body, but over his words as well. Especially after his mistake from earlier that evening, when Crystal had shut down on him after a careless comment.
He didn’t know what he was doing. He’d only ever had pleasure partners, never truly wanting something deeper. He’d never had trouble winning over females, but Cruxan feared that the female that mattered most…he would never be able to win, no matter what he did.
It was rare when a fated mate partnership broke. Usually only in death did that bond break. Cruxan could think of only two instances where fated mates chose to leave the other.
Of those two instances…it hadn’t ended well. They’d become shells of their former selves, forever tethered to another being, always wanting, always needing them, forever mourning.
For fated mate partnerships that were broken in death…well, the remaining one usually chose to willingly follow their mate to the blackworld.
So, he wondered, as he stared into the flames, his gaze flickering to his female every so often, what would become of him if Crystal chose to leave, if she never accepted their partnership?
The thought was a grim one.
Now more than ever, he wished he could speak with his warrior brothers. All of them had won over their human females, all of them had convinced them to stay, to create a life with them on Luxiria.Fates, Kat, Vaxa’an’sluxiva, was due to give birth to their first offspring any moment now, if she hadn’t already.
I can win her, he thought suddenly, his gaze hardening with determination.I must.
It might be the hardest battle of his life span—of which, there had been many—but it was the most important one, one he couldn’t lose.
Or else it might just cost him everything.
Cruxan’s resolve hardened. His shoulders straightened. He didn’t know how, but he would. What he lacked in control, he made up for it in sheer determination and persistence.
A small sound came from his female and his chest actuallyachedat how that sound threaded through him. His chest ached at how lovely she was, her face soft and golden from the light of the fire, her hair illuminated by it.
His claws curled, pricking his palms.
Then he froze, his nostrils flaring.
A sweet, heady, familiar scent was beginning to permeate the small space of the cave. A scent that made his belly tighten, that made his cock thicken and harden evenmorein the confines of his leg coverings, if possible.
She wants to mate, his Instinct purred in his mind.
His eyes dilated as that scent thickened and he groaned out loud, helpless to its pull.
