Frustration and my arousal grew hand-in-hand and I made a small sound in my throat when he threaded his fingers through my hair, my eyelids fluttering at how good it felt, at how gentle he was being.
But I kept still, though he was slowly driving me to madness. A part of me was wondering why he hadn’t wedged himself inside me already, right there in the bathing tub. I was wet for him, aroused, though I would never admit it.
I felt him take a deep breath, his chest rising against my back, and his wandering hand slowed to a stop, resting on my hip.
My eyes flew open, waiting. But he did nothing and I swallowed the frustrated sound rising in my throat.
“I am told you visited the injured warrior and hiskassikari. That you returned a second time and brought them a meal while I was gone,” Arokan said softly.
I stiffened. He’d told me I couldn’t see the warrior, but I’d done it anyways. Was he angry?
“I needed to see him for myself. To apologize for what happened,” I replied.
“AMorakkaridoes not apologize.”
“This one does,” I told him.
Arokan huffed out a sharp breath. “And why did you go to the stalls forhji?”
I turned to look at him over my shoulder. “You’re keeping tabs on me?”
“Your guards report to me.”
I pressed my lips together and said, “Because the warrior said that thepyrokimaster enjoyshji. And since I’m sure my guards already told you, I did not want to shovelpyrokishit for the rest of my life, which I did yesterday.”
Arokan grunted, but didn’t reply.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have,” I mused. “I think I liked yesterday better, shit and all.”
“You did well today,” Arokan rasped. “It will get easier.”
I didn’t know if that would happen.
But what he said next made me still.
“Tell me what happened,kalles. How your mother got attacked by apyroki.”
Even though my mother was dead, some part of me still feared for her. She’d been trying to hunt, after all, outside the village walls. If a Dakkari had come upon her then, she would’ve been killed on sight.
“Tell me, Luna,” he said softly, as though sensing my hesitation.
“It was during the cold season,” I said. “Our rations were low. The Uranian Federation couldn’t get a supply drop to us because of the weather. We were all hungry.”
His hand tensed at my hip.
“My mother was desperate. My brother was barely ten at the time, a child, and he cried and cried all day and all night. She went beyond the walls. She took a blade and I was scared that a Dakkari might find her. So I followed after her.
“I don’t know what she was trying to do. She’d never killed anything before in her life. But like I said, she was desperate. She would do anything for us. So, she ventured into the ice forest nearest our village. I trailed behind her because, even though I was afraid for her, I was also hungry. I kept hoping that maybe shewouldfind something. Anything, so that we could eat. I should have stopped her.”
That fact hurt most of all. That my own selfishness and my own desperation got her killed.
“I remember seeing red eyes through the trees and before I knew it, she was screaming. Apyrokiwas on her, attacking her, biting her stomach and her arms…and I ran into the clearing, not even thinking. It bolted when it saw me, but the damage was done.”
“Luna,” Arokan murmured, turning my face so he could see me. His lips were pulled down into a frown, but his eyes were soft.
I swallowed, blinking back tears as I looked at him. “It was awful,” I whispered. “I was in shock and she was still alive, but in a tremendous amount of pain. There was blood, so much blood. Black on that ice. And I kept thinking thepyrokiwould return. But my mother saw me and told me to protect Kivan. Always. I promised her that I would.
“Then she handed me the blade. It was slippery with her blood,” I said, though I wasn’t even sure I was talking to Arokan anymore. “She asked me to…to…and I did. I had to. I didn’t want her to suffer and I knew she was beyond help. But—,” my lip trembled as I admitted, “I fear I made it worse. I was clumsy with a blade, didn’t know how to use it and I—I—”
