Now, if only he would wake up so that she could tell him.
NINETEEN
VIKAN FOUND HER where he always did.He found her where he met her, in the Golden City, in the bustling marketplace on the lowest terrace of the dark mountain.
She was oblivious to the crowds, in her own small world.She was browsing the furs and brightly colored spun silks, her head cocked to the side, her black hair tumbling down the length of her back.It had been her hair that had first caught his attention.
But unlike the other times when he visited her like this, Vikan wasn’t struck with grief or loss.He didn’t drink her in like he was parched.He didn’t study and try to memorize the lines of her beautiful face—which had begun to soften and fade as time went on—because now Vikan could see past that.He could see everything with new eyes.
And just like the other times, he knew it wasn’t really her.It was only their memories, tucked away in the safe spaces of his mind that he liked to visit often when he missed her, when he wanted to see her, when he wanted to remember.
“Nitav,” he called.
She turned to him, her blue eyes flashing, the silks forgotten as she immediately approached.Nitav reached out to touch his arm and just like always, her fingers were cold.
“You came back.You always do,” she said, her voice light and playful.A breeze rustled her hair towards him and though her scent didn’t reach him, he remembered it well.The scent of the extracted oil of a fragrant root that grew in the eastern lands that so many females seemed to favor at that time, before many had been killed.
It had been peaceful then.A different life.
They’d all been different.
He led her over to a private alcove towards the north end of the market, away from the crowds, away from the noise, and shielded somewhat from the intense Luxirian heat that beat down on them.
“What is it?” she asked.
Vikan knew it wasn’t real, but he needed to do this for himself, after so many rotations of avoiding it.
He’d never truly said goodbye to Nitav.And perhaps that had been why he’d hung onto her memory for so long…because hecouldn’tsay goodbye.But right then, all he could think about was how much he longed to start a life with Taylor, as difficult as it would be at first, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to until he finally made peace with Nitav’s death.
“You’ve been gone a long time, Nitav,” he started softly, his eyes holding her own.They were a bright blue.Once he thought nothing would be more beautiful to him.Until Taylor had found him.“Over ten rotations now.”
Her voice was soft when she said, “Gone where?I’ve been here the whole time, Vikan.”
“To the blackworld,” he replied.“As so many of our females and males did during that time.So many were mourned, so many unnecessary deaths.Unfair deaths.Many thought the Fates were punishing us.Many turned their backs on them before their own sorrows stole their lives too.”
“Vikan,” she said quietly.
“For a long time, my sorrow stole mine,” he admitted.“But for some reason, I did not end it.I carried on because something was driving me to, something wouldn’t allow me to give in.Now I know why.”
“I do not understand,” she whispered.“You are talking in riddles.This is so unlike you.”
“I found my fated mate, Nitav,” Vikan told her.
Her breath hitched, pain in her eyes.“So soon?I thought I had more time.I thoughtwehad more time.”
When she’d been alive, Vikan had often heard Nitav worry that he would find his fated mate when she was still his Breeding partner.He’d brushed off her worries at the time, telling her that he worriedshewould find her own fated mate too.
They both loved each other enough to think it wasn’t a legitimate concern.But now, Vikan knew better.Vikan knew that the pull and connection to a fated mate simply couldn’t be ignored and fought against, no matter how hard he’d tried in the beginning.
And now?He couldn’t imagine his life without Taylor in it.It simply wasn’t fathomable.And he knew that he would do anything to convince her to stay.If she wouldn’t, he would follow her to Earth, consequences be damned, until hecouldconvince her.
The words felt final as he said them, “She is my future, Nitav.And as much as we loved each other then, you are my past.I cannot continue visiting you here.I have to come to say goodbye and to finally let you go, after all of these rotations.”
Her lips parted and she studied him, eyes somber.
“It is finally time,” he murmured, brushing his fingers across her cheekbone.He felt warm affection in his chest, but no longer the painful prick of romantic love.Nitav had not only been his Breeding partner, but his dearest friend.Even though he was saying goodbye, he knew that he would always remember her fondly.
But it was time to move on.It was time to begin again.
