She took a deep breath and said, “I know that we said we’d…be more open to this.But it’s just…” Her eyes connected with his.“Whatever this is between us, I feel it getting more serious than I thought it would.It doesn’t feel like we’re just…pretending.Not anymore.Not after last night.And I don’t want to lead you on, Vikan.I don’t want you to think that I’ll stay just because we’re becoming intimate, when I don’t know what the hell is going on in my mind from one moment to the next, okay?”
Vikan ran a hand through her hair.“Are you convinced that you will leave for Earth once we reach the Golden City?Can you tell me right at this moment that you will, without hesitation?”
Taylor shook her head.“I…that’s what I mean!I don’t know.I can’t give you that answer because I simply don’t know what I would do.”
“Then why are we talking when I could be licking your cunt instead?” he purred, his hands straying downwards.
“Vikan!This is serious.”
He blew out a sharp breath.“Luxiva.”
“Yes?”
“All I need to know is that you are not certain you would leave for Earth if you had the opportunity,” he said.
“Yes, but—”
“Nothing else matters right now,” he continued, leaning down to kiss her lips.“But I warn you, I will not play fair if it means my reward is keeping you here with me.I will fight dirty.”
“Vikan,” she whispered, looking up at him, her beautiful green eyes luminous but vulnerable.She bit her lip and then said, “Just a few days ago, you implied that you still weren’t over Nitav.Even if I did choose to stay here with you…I can’t compete with her.You’ve mourned her for over ten years now.Who could compete with that?”
He frowned.“Taylor.”
“We still have all these things that we would need to figure out,” she continued before he could say anything.“I can’t just forget that because of what happened last night.”
“I am not asking you to,” he rasped.“Female, Nitav was never my fated mate.”
“Yes, but you twochoseeach other.In some ways, that’s even more powerful.And I will admit that it frightens me.Youdidn’t choose me.Your Instinct did.How would I ever compare?”
Vikan touched his forehead to hers, his chest aching.“Taylor,” he said softly.“Please listen to what I have to say to you.”
“Vikan…”
“Nix.Listen,” he rasped.“I have never compared you two and I will never.I know this with certainty.Tev, it is true that Nitav and I chose one another.But you are also right in saying that it was a long time ago, another age, even.I was not who I am now.It would be impossible to be that male again.”
He let out a long sigh before he pulled back so that he could look into her eyes, so she would see the truth in his.
“I do not regret knowing her.I do not regret loving her,” he murmured.“I do, however, regret letting her death affect me as much as it did and for so long.I can see that now.Youmade me see that.I lived in darkness for ten rotations.And then when you came, when I saw you, suddenly everything had changed.I resented it, at first, as you sensed from the beginning.I fought it, or at least tried to.I wanted you, I desired you, but I would not allow myself to take that chance.”
“Until you knew that I would be leaving,” she finished for him softly.“That’s why you took me that night, out of the blue.”
“Tev,” he said, inclining his head.“When Vaxa’an told me he was sending the remaining females home, I panicked.I knew that I would forever regret it if I did not take that chance with you.You had me so out of my mind, so scrambled, that I did not even check to ensure we had enough fuel.”
Vikan was glad when he saw Taylor’s slight quirk of her lips.She’d been so somber before, so serious.He wanted to see her smile.
“If Nitav is who you worry about,” he murmured, “do not.She is dead.Gone from this world.”
He swallowed, feeling that knowledge settle deep inside his chest.Acceptance, he knew, after so long.
“It is you who has hold of me now.”
Taylor’s breath hitched.
“Vikan,” she whispered.“I…”
“If you say that there still is a chance you will stay, with me, even if it is just a sliver of a chance, I will take it.I will take anything I can get with you.Tev?”
She didn’t answer him in words.Instead, she gripped his face and brought him down so she could kiss him.He growled against her and into the wildness of their kiss, something he knew he was growing addicted to.Now he knew why his warrior brothers always kissed their human mates, as if they were helpless not to.
