“Okay,” she whispered, stunned.For a moment, she didn’t even breathe.Once she was certain she hadn’t misunderstood him, that lump in her throat only got bigger and dread pooled in her stomach, making her feel sick.
The furs were impossibly loud as she returned to her side of the bed.They shifted around her, rustling with every small move she made.Her own little symphony.She lay completely still once she was settled, listening to Vaxa’s breaths.Gently, slowly, she cradled her growing belly in her hands, finding comfort in the warmth of her own skin, knowing that her baby was safe underneath her palms.Vaxa usually held her belly as they drifted off to sleep and she’d grown used to it these past few weeks.
Her ex-boyfriend back on Earth, Peter, had once been the love of her life, or at least she’d naively believed.Growing up as an orphan, going from foster home to foster home, Kate had almost fallen in love with him too easily.When she’d met him, he’d been kind, gentle, protective, much like Vaxa.He made her laugh, he’d given her butterflies in her stomach when he brought her silly gifts and dandelions.For close to three years, they’d had a good, happy life.
After that third year…everything began to change.He began pulling away from her little by little, working longer hours, waking up before she did and coming home after she went to sleep, postponing dinner plans, deciding to push off their Europe trip until the next year when he could get more time off work.It had all happened so gradually, tiny little baby steps to the eventual blow-up of their relationship, that she hadn’t even realized anything was happening at all.She’d been stupid.She’d been blind.
He began losing his temper more easily, began suggesting that she lose a little weight, that she shouldn’t wear leggings and tennis shoes to the grocery store.Little things that added up over time and made her self-conscious.
When she discovered that he’d been cheating on her, it honestly shouldn’t have come as a surprise.But it had.A big, ugly surprise, except his new girlfriend certainly hadn’t been big and she certainly hadn’t been ugly.
Kate hadn’t dated since and it had been a couple years.
She thought about Peter in that particular moment because right around the time she calculated he’d started the affair, he had come home late.He’d come to bed and when she woke up, he’d pushed her away, much like Vaxa had.
Of course, she didn’t believe that Vaxa would ever, ever cheat on her.But she couldn’t help but feel those similar feelings of self-doubt creep up on her.She’d kept herself strong for so long.She’d disregarded every little thing that Peter had said to her, knowing that if someone couldn’t respect her enough, their opinion shouldn’t matter to her.With the help of Beks, she’d built herself back up and she hadn’t felt that way since.
Entering into a new relationship—and her relationship with Vaxa was very new, despite the mating ceremony, despite the pregnancy—with someone was always a tricky battlefield.You had to know where to step, when to push forward, where to retreat.
It became obvious to her that when it came to Vaxa, she didn’t know how to navigate this battlefield.Not yet.
And maybe it was just the hurt or the hormones that were making her feel this way, but that night, as she finally drifted off to sleep, she didn’t feel good about the state of their relationship.She didn’t know why he was suddenly putting some distance between them.
And Kate didn’t know why she was letting him do it.
FIVE
Vaxa wasn’t in bed the next morning when she woke up.She stared at the vague imprint of his body and then pushed out of bed, slowly making her way to the bathroom, where she bathed and dressed.
Bidan was in the living room when she ventured out of the bedroom.Vaxa was no where in sight.
“Good morning,” she greeted, but she couldn’t find it in herself to conjure up a big smile.
“Good morning, Kat,” he said.
He’d adopted the human expression shortly after Kat and Vaxa returned from their mating ceremony.The older Luxirian was wearing blue robes, gold cuffs gleaming on his wrists.
“Vaxa’an has asked me to take you to the archives once you have eaten.He had to be at the command center early this span.”
After what happened last night, Kate didn’t know if he simply hadn’t wanted to see her this morning.Not really knowing what to say, Kate went with, “He has been really busy lately, hasn’t he?”
Bidan’s nod made her feel a little bit better, but her emotions were all over the place the past couple of days.“He has been having some…political difficulties.It has not been easy on him.”
Had Vaxa confided in Bidan, but not her?Did he think that she couldn’t handle the truth of the uprisings?
“Right,” she said, her voice sounding a little strangled.
“Would you like to eat at the…” Bidan trailed off, peering at her more closely.“Lavrix’an, what happened to your wrist?”
Kate jumped a little at the question, instinctively huddling her arm closer to her body.When she looked down at her wrist, which she’d noticed in the bath, the bruise looked a whole lot worse than the actual pain.Her skin was mottled and blue, which would fade to yellow in the coming week.Kate had always bruised easily—Beks had affectionately called her a banana—but this one took the cake.
“Oh,” she murmured, racking her brain.She’d purposefully chosen a dress that Keriva had made for her, that had loose sleeves that trailed down her arms, in hopes of concealing it.But Bidan had always been observant.“I accidentally bumped it against some scrolls at the archives.”
Really, Kate?Could that excuse beanylamer?
“It doesn’t hurt,” she assured him, figuring she’d already told a little white lie.One more wouldn’t hurt.“Humans just bruise a lot.You should’ve seen me as a kid.”
“Perhaps I should take you to Privanax,” Bidan said, frowning.“I am sure that Vaxa’an would take you if he were here.”
