“Thank you,” she said, feeling a little out of breath.
“I wish I could do more,” he replied in an earnest voice.
“Being here is more than enough.” She took his other hand and let her eyes trace his face. It was funny how she’d only known him for five months, and yet he’d grown as familiar and dear to her as if she’d cared for him for years.
“What about now? Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?” he asked with a smile.
Eleanor laughed. She’d changed her mind almost daily over the past month, and it had become a frequent joke between them. “Today? I honestly don’t know. How about you? Are you still willing to lay money on a boy?”
“I am,” he said with absolute certainty. He ran a thumb over the back of her hand. “But I don’t care if I’m right or wrong. All I want is to hold that baby.”
Tears pricked Eleanor’s eyes. But instead of imagining David, and what could have been, a different image came to mind. One of Merrick, leaning back in one of their armchairs with a tiny baby snuggled against his chest.
It was a such a vivid image, and the joy she felt thinking of it was almost more than she could bear. She’d cried so much over David the past several weeks. It had been exhausting, and yetMerrick was so patient with her. It seemed to grow worse for a while, and then, one day, her first thought of David had made her smile instead of cry.
It wasn’t as if she’d ceased to weep at his memory. She had her moments when it was all too much and the tears came again. But she felt so much better now, as if she’d climbed a mountain and faced a beast, and now she’d made it to the other side. She wasn’t unscathed, but she was slowly becoming whole again.
“I can’t wait to hold him too,” she said as she pulled one of her hands from Merrick’s and lifted it to trace his jaw. He cupped her hand with his, stilling it as another pain came on.
This one was stronger, but Merrick held her until it faded.
“I see you agree with me that it’s a boy,” he said when she opened her eyes again.
Eleanor laughed as she tried to catch her breath. “I don’t know about that.”
“You said it,” he said with a grin.
“If you’re going to argue with me, then I’m going to make you leave and get my friends instead.”
His smile drew into a more serious expression. “Do you need them now?”
“It’s probably for the best,” she said. “Not that I mind your company at all, of course.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” he said, so sincerely that she felt badly for ever making him think otherwise. He’d been the most compassionate, wonderful man, standing beside her as she finally let herself feel grief she’d kept tucked away for so long. And now he was just as excited as she was to meet this baby. Her heart felt so full at the thought of him she feared it might burst.
He began to stand, but Eleanor held tight to his hands.
“Wait a moment,” she said impulsively, tugging him back down toward her. And before she could hesitate, she leaned forward and kissed him.
He froze for a moment. She wasn’t surprised, not with the way he’d acted so carefully around her. But after a few seconds, he relaxed. He lifted a hand and gently pressed it against the back of her head, almost as if he were afraid she’d pull away.
But she wasn’t going anywhere. Not when she’d finally gotten what she’d hoped for.
She smiled against his lips as he kissed her back. He was gentle but not hesitant. Eleanor never wanted it to end, and when he pulled away for just a second to whisper her name, she grabbed hold of his coat and pulled him back to her. But then the pain began again.
With a gasp, she jolted back, her fingers digging into his coat. When it subsided, she looked up to find him watching her in concern.
“It’s all right,” she said. “But maybe you could get the ladies now?”
He stood quickly and dropped a kiss to her forehead before running out the door.
The midwife returned first, and just as the labor pains seemed to stretch out longer and come more frequently, both Clara and Deirdre arrived. The afternoon stretched on into evening, and at some point, Felicity slipped in.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Eleanor said as Felicity laid a cool cloth on her forehead. She knew it couldn’t be easy for Felicity.
But her friend squeezed her hand. “Of course I’m here.”
Eleanor’s focus was entirely on breathing through the pain as the night wore on. She was vaguely aware of Clara chasing Merrick from the door at some point. And just as dawn began to break and she thought she could bear no more, the baby arrived.
