A silence settled between them as Marian clasped her hands together. Something was most definitely wrong.
“Marian.” His voice was quiet, and although he wanted to reach out to take her hand, something told him not to. “What’s wrong?”
Her eyes lifted to meet his. “I want to teach.”
When she didn’t continue right away, he hesitated a moment before saying, “Yes. And you’re doing a wonderful job of it.”
“Not right now. Well, I mean, yes, I do want to teach now. But I want to continue teaching.”
When he gave her a puzzled look, she swallowed and added, “For as long as God allows me.”
“All right.” Cole ran a hand over his face. “Marian, I’m not understanding. Why is this troubling you?”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, she fixed him with a determined look. “I’m sorry. I should have told you before, and I know it seems as if I’m pulling this out of nowhere, but . . . Well, it means I cannot marry.”
Cole stared at her as her words rang in his ears. Was she saying . . . ?
Her eyes grew watery even as she pulled her shoulders back. “I don’t pretend to know if that was ever your intention, but I believe it’s for the best if you no longer come around to visit me.”
It felt as if someone had suddenly thrown him to the ground with a fist to his stomach. The air was gone, all manner of rational thought had fled his mind, and all Cole could do was gape at the woman before him.
The one who didn’t want him.
Those soft blue eyes, those kissable lips, the tendrils of hair that escaped around her face—it all looked foreign to him now. As if it belonged to some woman he’d never met.
He needed air.
With a curt nod, Cole turned and began walking away, following the road out of town with no thought at all to where he was going. He didn’t look back. One foot in front of the other—that was all he could muster in the moment.
Somewhere outside of town, past fencing that indicated the edge of someone’s property, he stopped. Out of breath, he braced himself against a solitary tree.
She didn’t want him.
The truth bore a hole through his heart. Nothing he had done mattered at all. He wasn’t good enough for Marian Scott, and he should’ve known it from the start.
He pressed his fist to his mouth as the emotions washed through him. He wanted to cry out, to hit something, to let the world know his fury. But instead, he pressed his knuckles against his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut until the feeling passed.
And when it did, it left an empty wake inside. He was alone.
He’d always be alone.
And perhaps that was for the best. He’d never thought he was cut out to be a married man, not until Marian had set his mind to spinning places it had never been. Cole Robertson was the sort of man who lived for the moment, enjoyed the dalliances he had, and did his best not to let them get too far. He’d failed at the latter so many times, and although this one didn’t force him to leave town, it had carved a piece of his soul out with it.
It’s for the best. He repeated that over and over in his mind as he stood and straightened his clothing. Marian didn’t want to marry, and even if she did, she deserved a man better positioned than Cole. One who could ensure her safety and give her everything she could ever want for. Not a sheriff’s deputy who’d never stayed in one place for too long, who couldn’t protect her schoolhouse, and who’d never given a moment’s thought to married life before. And even if she didn’t wish to marry, she wasn’t the sort of girl he could dally with.
She was far better off without him. And he would be the same without her.
But as many times as Cole repeated those words to himself as he walked back into town, he had a hard time believing them.
If he was better off without Marian, why did it feel as if she’d torn him in half when she’d asked him not to visit her?
And why did it feel as if he’d never be happy again?
