He shook his head as if it were all hopeless. “It’s all I have.”
Ruthann’s breath caught in her throat. “It isn’t,” she whispered. “I’m here.”
“I can’t . . .” When he looked at her, Ruthann thought she might shrivel under the war of emotions playing out in his eyes.
He looked away again, staring off at the wall. “It’s time I see about getting that annulment.”
Every heartbeat felt like an eternity as Ruthann tried to make sense of his words. “Why?” was all she could seem to say.
“It’s what I promised, isn’t it? To you and to your brother. It’s past time I followed through.”
“No.” Fire shot up from somewhere deep inside her. She would not give up that easily. “Nate.”
At her insistence, he looked at her again, but instead of seeing sadness, anger,anything, all she saw was an emptiness. As if he’d pushed every emotion away and was left with nothing.
And in that moment, she wanted something from him. Anything that would show she meant as much to him as he did to her.
“All of this time we’ve shared, all of these moments, do they mean nothing to you?”
His jaw worked, but he didn’t answer. Instead he looked somewhere over her shoulder, as if he’d already left the room—and left her.
“I think . . .” She summoned the thoughts that had come into her mind more than once, ever since he’d first gone cold toward her, when his past had seemed to cloud out his future. “I think that you believeyouaren’t enough. For yourself, for me, for anyone. But you are, Nate. You are more than enough. You’re kind and thoughtful and funny and sweet and brave.”
His jaw clenched again and he shook his head. “You don’t understand. You weren’t there. No one can understand.”
She wasn’t where? At first she thought he meant up in the hills, or perhaps when he’d gone after that man who had followed her and Norah. But that look . . . His eyes had gone from empty to tortured again, just as they had when he’d been reminded of the past.
He meant in the Dakota Territory. In the cavalry.
“You’re right, I can’t truly understand. But I can listen. I can help you.”
“There is no help.” He looked at her then, those brown eyes catching hers. Even now—even when she felt as if she was losing him—they still took her breath away. “You don’t deserve someone like me.”
His words were like an arrow through her heart. He thought so little of himself that it physically hurt Ruthann to see it. “I do. No one is made perfectly, Nate. We all have flaws.”
“This is more than aflaw. It’s a defect of character.” He rubbed an impatient hand over his chin. “I’m useless, and you need someone who can keep you safe.”
“No.” Ruthann shook her head defiantly. “What if I refuse?”
“This is what you agreed to, remember?” His words had an edge to them. He wanted her to think he was angry with her, that he didn’t care.
Ruthann didn’t believe it for a minute.
“I don’t care what I agreed to. I’ve changed my mind.” She crossed her arms and fixed him with the most determined look she could muster.
Nate let out an irritated sigh. “Ruthann—”
“No. We are married, for better and for worse.”
“It was a farce.” His voice had grown angrier, but Ruthann stood her ground, her arms held against her chest and her chin raised. She would fight for this marriage even if he wanted to give up.
And then he did something she’d never seen him do—he raised a fist and slammed it into the nearby wall.
Ruthann gave a squeak, a hand flying to her mouth.
He flexed his hand and she instinctively took a step forward, reaching out to see what damage he’d caused himself. But he pulled his hand away as if she were made of fire.
“You aren’t listening to me,” he said in a voice made of steel. “I said this is over. All of it. There is nothing here, nothing between you and me but a temporary agreement. I thank you for your help, and I’ll find a lawyer in the morning.”
