But they didn’t retreat. They crowded into his mind, forcing his aim to drop.
The blond man smiled, just barely, but he didn’t lower his hands. “They said you were a coward.”
Nate drew in a breath. That ought to anger him, make him lunge at the man or at least level his aim.
But it didn’t. It couldn’t—there was no room for it among the images that fought for dominance in his mind.That baby crying. The mother hunched over her fallen husband. Men—his fellow soldiers—running around him while he stood perfectly still.
Coward.
He wasn’t, though. Somewhere deep in his mind, he knew that. It wasn’t cowardice.
It was horror. Shock. Anger. Guilt.
A hundred different emotions, but not fear. Not cowardice.
How did heknow?
“Did your pretty wife give you my warning?”
The man’s words drew Nate’s attention back to him.
“If you don’t heed it, this entire town will know about you.” And with that, the man dropped his hands and ran, leaving Nate standing in the road with his pistol.
Nate didn’t chase him. He couldn’t have. Instead, it was like every bit of life had left him, and he doubled over, his hands on his knees, still holding that man’s pistol.
This entire town will know about you. Know about . . . what? And what did he say to Ruthann? She didn’t mention a warning of any sort.
Nate drew in great gulps of air, and his heartbeat slowed. He stood again. Across the road, those same three children watched him.
“You all right, mister?” the oldest one asked.
Nate held up a hand to indicate he was. He didn’t trust himself with words just yet. He had to get back to Ruthann and Norah before they began to worry.
One foot in front of the other, he walked, with that pistol hanging in his hand. It burned like hot coal. He wanted to drop it—and with it, drop all the memories it yanked back into his mind. And yet he couldn’t simply leave it in the road.
“Nate!” Ruthann’s voice, as soothing as cool cloth against a fever, came from just ahead.
He looked up to find her moving quickly toward him.
In no time, she’d reached him and had flung her arms around him. “You’re all right, thank goodness. Norah went for the sheriff.” She stood back, her hands still on his arms, and looked around him. “Is he gone?”
“Yes.” Nate drug the word out.
The worry eased on Ruthann’s face. “Where did you get—” She gestured at the pistol.
He shook his head, the words gone again. He’d been useless with it. And worse, that manknew. He’d taken a gamble and had run, because he knew Nate couldn’t bring himself to pull the trigger.
Ruthann must have seen something in his face, because she said in a low voice, “Would you like me to take it?”
He did, and yet he didn’t. He didn’t want to hold the thing any longer. But what sort of man did that make him?
Ruthann gently eased it from his fingers, and Nate didn’t say a word. The second it was gone, he thought the memories would retreat again.
But they didn’t.
They still lurked at the edges of his mind, ready to jump out and destroy everything. Destroyhim.
“Let’s go home. The sheriff can meet us there.” She wrapped an arm around his elbow as if she still trusted him to protect her.
