But perhaps it was only an apology for him needing her as his wife.
Ruthann sighed, all the hope she’d gathered up in such a short time falling away—again. Had she imagined the way he’d looked at her?
She hadn’t. Sheknewshe hadn’t. Then why did he close the door on those feelings so quickly?
She was more certain than ever that something had happened to him in the Dakota Territory. If only he’d trust her enough to tell her what it was.
Then maybe—just maybe—they might have a chance at a real marriage.
Chapter Ten
NATE WOKE WITH A CRICKin his neck and an ache in his back. The settee was the most uncomfortable place he’d ever laid his head, and considering how many nights he’d spent sleeping on a bedroll on the ground, that was saying something.
It was early yet, and all was quiet from behind the bedroom door. He hoped Ruthann had slept well. He couldn’t say the same for himself. And it wasn’t just because of the settee.
Every time he’d begun to drift off, his mind wandered to Ruthann. She was so close, and yet he’d purposely kept her far away.
He rubbed his neck as he cringed at the memory of the night before. He’d gone too far, buying her that brooch. But he couldn’t resist when he’d seen it.
And then he’d pinned it to her dress.
Just the slightest feel of her warm skin against his fingers had sent his head spinning. He’d had to back off—or he feared what might come next.
He wouldn’t do that to Ruthann—let her care for someone like him. It wouldn’t be right.
But she’d seemed a bit distant last night at supper, and he feared he’d gone too cold toward her. That wouldn’t do either, especially considering all she’d done for him. Not to mention how much it hurt him to keep her at such a distance.
Changing quickly, he made his way downstairs to look again at the photographs he’d developed yesterday. Several of them had turned out better than he’d expected, and, as usually happened, he became lost in the work until a soft voice interrupted him.
“Nate? I’ve breakfast ready, if you’re hungry.” Ruthann stood outside the open door to his darkroom, her fingers clutching the doorframe as if she were uncertain about whether to disturb him.
Nate set the photo in his hand down as his stomach grumbled silently. Ruthann’s dark blonde hair was swept up in a style that sent a few wisps loose around her face. His fingers itched to press them back, to run the pad of his thumb over the worry line in her forehead. Instead, he clenched his hands against his sides and gave a short nod, knowing he was the one responsible for that worry line and the cautious way she stood outside the door.
“I am, thank you.” He needed to apologize. Perhaps then he’d see the sweet, carefree side of Ruthann again.
But how? What could he say?Ruthann, I’m sorry I was cold to you. I’m afraid I’ll fall in love with you—again. And I don’t want you to fall in love with me.
