He said it so easily. Words of pride that I’d never even heard from my own father. I forced a smile onto my lips while my sister-in-law greeted me and gave me a hug, exclaiming at the color of my hair and the outfit Ihad on.
“You’ve always been so fashionable,” Stacey said. “You’re going to have to give me a makeover while you’re here. Everything I have seems so outdated.”
“Just don’t go doing that to your ears,” my dad cut in, motioning to my piercings with evident disgust. I had double piercings on my lobes and a helix piercing at the top of my left ear. Hardly anything groundbreaking, but more than the simple pearls my mother and Stacey wore.
“Oh, Beau,” Stacey said with a laugh, throwing her arm around my father’s shoulder. “If I need fashion advice, I won’t be asking you,” she joked.
My father patted her arm, clicking his tongue. He looked…fond. It hurt more than I cared to admit to myself. I ate another scoop of potato salad and chewed mechanically. Pressure built inside me, and that potato salad turned to glue in my mouth. Coming here had been a mistake.
Brooks cleared his throat as he looked at Stacey. “Actually, Mom, Dad, Deena. We wanted to tell you something.”
Stacey’s eyes went watery, and her two kids hovered at her sides. “Riley, honey, give Grammy her present.”
My mom took the gift bag, then reached inside to pull out a tiny infant onesie. She gasped, unfolding it, then turned it around to show my dad, and I read the words “Grandma’s girl” written in pink cursive on the front of the onesie.
Her scream was pure joy, and I watched my mother give Stacey the kind of hug that I’d never once received in my entire thirty-three years on this planet.
“Mommy’s pregnant! I’m gonna be a big sister!” Riley exclaimed, jumping up and down as her dress flounced around her.
“Now, Deena, I just need one from you and I can die happy,” my mother said as she moved to plant a kiss on Brooks’scheek. I forced a laugh until she added, “Won’t hold my breath, though.”
In the hubbub that followed, I couldn’t help but feel like an outsider. I congratulated my brother and his wife, greeted my niece and nephew and told them how excited I was for them, then excused myself. My hands leaned against the walls as I tottered toward the powder room, my emotions a riot inside me.
I was happy for my brother and Stacey. He loved being a dad. He loved his wife and kids. He was happy, and I was happy for him. They’d waited for me to arrive so that I could hear the news along with my parents. That was Stacey’s doing, I was sure, and I should’ve appreciated her thoughtfulness.
So why did I feel so fucking terrible about it all?
I wanted to be back in New York. I wanted my own life. I wanted to feel grounded again, to remind myself that I was whole even without my mother’s approval.
Leaning against the powder room sink, I closed my eyes and took in deep, shuddering breaths. I was trembling. Why? It was one weekend home, and I felt like I was about to fall apart at the seams.
My phone was in my hands a moment later, and I scrolled through my social media for a few seconds, searching for distraction. Stability.Something.
I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. Drowning or dying or being way too dramatic about a stupid trip home.
Then I found the folder where I’d sent Callum Frost’s emails. I tapped it, my heart taking off. There were five emails, starting the night we did what we did.
CALLUM
Answer my call.
Deena.
Did you fucking block me?
The following day, he wrote again.
You’re ignoring me because you’re scared, and it’s not like you, Deena. You’re better than this.
He’d sent only one more message, six days after the first flurry, just over a week ago.
Stubborn woman.
I bit my lip. My core throbbed just from that handful of emails. I should’ve left it at that. A few weeks-old emails had grounded me, made me forget how chaotic it felt to be home. I could go back out there and survive the weekend. I didn’t need Callum messing with my head too.
But my fingers moved before I could stop them. I navigated to his contact in my phone and scrolled down to the big blue word that read, “Unblock.” There was no hesitation. I wasn’t going to call him. I was just…just…
My fingers kept moving.
