He turns to me once we’re inside. “Why don’t you take a quick shower? I have a few things I want to set up, and then you can read my journal and we can talk?”
“That sounds perfect.”
Everything is already set out for me in the bathroom. I shower quickly, moisturize and brush my teeth, pulling one of Phillip’s comfy shirts over my head, excited to be surrounded by him again soon.
The living room has been transformed when I come out of the bathroom. Glasses of champagne and a spread of all of my favorite snacks, including cherry-chip mini-cupcakes, are laid out on the coffee table next to his journal.
He meets me halfway across the room and I let him guide me to the couch, where I tuck myself into his side. Phillip passes me the journal, expression nervous and expectant.
I open it to the first page, which boasts a collection of doodles and a heart with my name written inside it. The pages that follow contain collages of photos, some just of me, otherswith the girls, and more still of me and Phillip, often caught candidly by whoever took them.
And then the letters begin.
Tally,
We’re on pause.
Even writing those words terrifies me. I understand why you need it, and maybe I need it too. All I want is to fix things. To go back in time and be honest with you about Fiona, about everything, about the way I feel. But I can’t, so I’m putting it all down here, and when you’re ready to unpause, I can share this with you the way you keep sharing yourself with me.
It’s time for some real honesty.
I’ve been fighting this attraction since Dred and Connor’s wedding.
I just never believed I’d be worthy of you.
I never believed I’d be able to let someone into my heart again.
But you are everything I could ever want in a partner.
Kind, intelligent, ambitious, supportive, independent.
Adventurous. ;)
You gave me back so many firsts.
Reframed them.
You make me feel worthy of love.
And no matter what happens from here, you will always have my heart.
Yours,
Phillip
Some notes are just a few lines, scrawled in messy cursive, like he had a thought and just wanted to get it down.
Tally,
Today I went to the Pancake House and ordered your favorite meal just to feel close to you. God, I miss you.
Yours always,
Phillip
Tally,
I used your expensive conditioner for not conditioning purposes and I’m not even a little sorry about it. When you’re mine again, I want to make it mandatory that we shower together at least once a week. Also, that we read in the tub together.
