Ifeel ill. And like my life just blew the fuck up. I’m crushed under the weight of everything I should have said and done but didn’t.
Coach Forrest-Hammer handles the post-game team talk, probably to keep Vander Zee from murdering me. It’s exceedingly brief and chilly. And then she leaves the room.
“Kind of a big secret to keep from the people who care about you.” Tristan’s hurt is written in the slant of his brow. “Does Rix even know?” He holds up a hand when I open my mouth. “You know what, don’t tell me. I’ll find that out for myself when I see her.”
I don’t argue. What can I say? Rix will be hurt. Tristan will be relieved that I didn’t make her keep the secret from him. No one really wins.
And Tally. What must she think now? How does she feel? Betrayed? Angry? Confused? Hurt?Will she break up with me over this? I wouldn’t blame her, even though it’s the very last thing I want.
I wait until my teammates finish showering before I go in. I don’t want to be around me, so why would anyone else?
Connor stops in front of me, the last to leave. “You must have had a good reason to keep this from everyone.”
“Dred is the only person who knew. Please don’t hold it against her.” I won’t be able to live with myself if I come between my best friend and her husband.
“I wouldn’t do that to my wife. Her loyalty is one of the most miraculous things about her, and there are many, considering everything she’s been through.”
I lift my gaze. “She’s a rare and precious gem.”
“Very.” He nods and cants his head, his serious expression making his features sharp. “I didn’t understand it before.”
“Understand what?”
“Why my wife is so abjectly loyal to you, but I do now. Someone broke you.” He claps me on the shoulder. “Whatever this was, be honest with Tally about it. She deserves it, especially from you.”
He leaves, and I shower and change.
I expect to find Vander Zee outside the locker room, waiting to shred me, but it’s Tally leaning against the wall, eyes red.
“Kitten.” I reach for her.
“Don’t.” She holds up a hand. “No pet names and no physical contact. We’re not having this discussion here. Take me home and explain it there.”
She’s willing to talk, that’s something. “Your place or mine?”
She sighs. “Fee’s home tonight, so yours.”
“Okay.” We’re silent on the walk to the parking garage. All my words are trapped in my throat. I’m terrified I’m about to lose her. Is that what I deserve? To finally have someone I can see a future with again, only to have it disappear.
The drive home is silent. Painful. I’m afraid I can’t fix this.
We reach my building and I park in my spot. Tally doesn’t wait for me to open her door. It feels like the space between us is unbreachable as we walk side by side to the elevator. She tucks herself in a corner, arms wrapped around her body.
We arrive at my floor and I let us into my apartment. She turns to me, eyes hard.
“I planned to tell you?—”
“I didn’t deserve to find out this way.” Her voice cracks. “Not at the same time as most of our friends, including your sister. Don’t you trust me? Don’t you trust anyone?”
“Of course I trust you.” I want to close the distance between us, put my arms around her, make her stay.
“That’s obviously not true if you couldn’t share this part of your past with me. I thought we were starting a future together, Phillip. You were talking about building a cottage in Muskoka. You said you wanted to support me and my career goals, but you don’t trust me enough to share this part of you?”
“You’re the only person I’ve let into my heart like this since Fiona.” I wish it hurt less to admit it.
“Fiona.” She crosses her arms. “That’s the first time you’ve ever said her name. Right now, she feels like the person standing between us.”
“I am long over that relationship.”
