“They didn’t hurt me. They just took me by surprise.”
“They need to leave you alone. You’re still shaking. This is too much emotional strain. I can’t keep my past from surfacing, and I know what people are saying. This is what I was worried about. It was fine when we were flying under the radar, but now…”
More panic hits. What if he thinks I can’t handle the pressure? “It’ll blow over.”
“Dating me shouldn’t come with more negatives than positives,” he argues as he pulls into the underground parking lot.
“You’re not the problem, though. It’s all these people who are absorbed with your love life.”
“Which I used to broadcast for public consumption, and you’re paying the price for it.”
“Please don’t break up with me,” I whisper despondently.
He pulls into his spot and shifts into park. “Hey.” He unbuckles his seat belt and then mine, pulling me into his lap. “That’s not what’s happening.” He brushes my hairaway from my face.
“But you might. If I can’t handle it, you might.” My fears spill out.
“I’m worried about you breaking up with me, Talls, not the other way around.” He kisses my forehead and my cheeks. “I just hate that being with me has to come at such an emotional cost. I’m going to fix this, okay? I’ll make it better.”
Once my emotions are under control again, Phillip helps me out of the car and we take the elevator up to his apartment. I haven’t been here since the night my parents announced they were getting a divorce. So much has changed since then. I have the one thing I’ve always wanted, but lots of things around me seem to be falling apart.
Flip pushes my hair over my shoulders, eyes searching mine. “What can I do for you, kitten? What do you need?”
I could ask him for anything, and I’m pretty sure he would give it to me. But I don’t want the first time we have sex to be about him feeling guilty and me wanting an escape from the stress. I want to do something normal with him. Domestic. Comforting for both of us. “Can we make mac and cheese and cuddle on the couch?”
“Absolutely.” He kisses me softly. “You want to get comfy?”
I finger the buttons on his shirt. “Can we make it together?”
“Rix actually sent over her leveled-up mac and cheese.” He waggles his eyebrows. “I can put it in the oven, and we’ll get down to cuddling right away while we wait for it to heat up.”
“That sounds perfect.”
I pour us glasses of Tang while Flip puts the food in the oven. Then he guides me to the couch, and I curl up in his lap. It’s exactly what we both need—closeness, connection, and some distance from the stress of everything else. When it’s just the two of us, I can believe it will all be okay.
Eventually, the timer goes off, and together we plate dinner. Turns out “leveled up” means homemade white cheddar mac andcheese with peas, tarragon, and baked chicken breasts. We load our bowls and take it back to the couch.
“This is so good,” I note a few minutes later as I pop another piece of tender chicken into my mouth. “Rix is a food magician.”
“She is excellent at putting together balanced, healthy meals that taste amazing,” he agrees.
I spear a spiral noodle. “I’m so glad she went back to school and pursued her dream.”
“I should have realized she needed more support.”
“You helped her. She lived with you.”
“I could’ve done more, though. I was too busy battling my own demons to see outside myself.” His jaw ticks.
I run my nails gently down the back of his neck. “Do you want to talk about that?”
He looks over. “Not tonight. I’d rather focus on you, if that’s okay.”
Sometimes I wonder if focusing on me is a default. But we’ve had enough stress today, I don’t want to add more by poking at his wounds.
The adrenaline gradually seeps out of my body, leaving me exhausted. I have assignments that need my attention, but I’m too tired to manage them. My eyes keep drooping, and eventually I must fall asleep, because the next time I open them, I’m tucked against Flip in his bed, his arm curved around my waist.
I wish it could always be this easy.
