Chapter Seven
SHE HAD PUSHEDhim into this. She couldn’t lie to herself. She had wanted it. She couldn’t lie to herself about that either.
But she wasn’t prepared for it. He claimed her mouth like the conqueror he was.
It was an absolute undeniable conquest. His mouth was hot and firm, forceful. She parted her lips for him, and he claimed yet more ground. Sliding his tongue against hers. The guttural moan that rattled through him sending a sharp shock of pleasure down between her legs.
This was desire. All at once, she understood. She had so deliberately held herself back from it. And who wouldn’t? When your whole life already belonged to a man you didn’t want, why would you ever let yourself think about sex, about desire or about what being married would mean? She had deliberately shut that part of herself down. And now, here it was, awake, alive with the pleasure that he was creating in her body.
This was the kind of thing that she had feared for all of these years.
And here it was. It wasn’t scary. It was glorious. The kiss was hot and slick and created a cascade of sensations that weren’t confined only to her mouth. She could feel him everywhere. It was like a brand that heated her entire body. That scorched her from the inside out.
His hands were large, and he moved them down and grabbed hold of her hips as he continued to kiss her, deeper and harder.
Like everything else about him, there was nothing soft or tender.
But she would rather have that. The honesty of this moment. Free of…manipulation.
He was so very afraid of manipulation.
Just as that thought passed through her head, he pulled away from her. And she could breathe again. Except she didn’t want oxygen; she wanted him.
And suddenly she was furious. That he had accused her of manipulating him. When he had all this power. All this experience. When she had been left with no choice but to use the cleverness at her disposal in order to turn the situation into anything other than captivity. Lifelong captivity for her.
Why was it wrong for her to try to get whatever she could out of this? Why was it wrong? It made no sense.
His worries were those of a man. Knowing that emotions that he hadn’t cared for or honed could be used against him. That his baser appetites could be used against him. While her worries were those of a woman. Knowing that she could be physically forced into whatever a man deemed her lot in life. Whatever he decided.
Because he had been so angry. But as long as it had been his idea, he got to kiss her.
She pulled away as much as she could with the bookcase still at her back. “Who is using manipulation now?”
“That was not manipulation.”
“Oh no. I forgot. Forcing your way is an asset. Trying to have some diplomacy is apparently duplicitous.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Here’s a question I have for you. Why shouldn’t I use what I have in my arsenal? Why should I lay down to be a conquest for you? In any capacity. I am a human being. And I have hopes and dreams. You can laugh at them all you want. You can say that Ihave no choices, but I want to see for myself, and I deserve that. I don’t deserve to be passed around by men. As they decide what they think is right for my life. I deserve to decide what is right for my life. And if you find that selfish while you remain in total control of everything, then perhaps you need to ask yourself why you don’t think a woman deserves the same rights that you do.”
She slipped away from him, and he grabbed her arm. “It has nothing to do with you being a woman. And everything to do with the fact that you were what I needed to accomplish my goal.”
“Even better. It isn’t personal. So it isn’t women that don’t matter to you. It’s everyone.”
“I have sacrificed my whole life to liberate my people. I care for the greater good. Not for the individual.”
“I don’t think you care for anyone or anything. I think you’re driven. Driven to win. Driven to dominate. Everything. Including me. You thought you were going to a convent to pluck a helpless woman out of her life and force her into yours. You call manipulation me having a voice. Me pushing back. Only because I’m not what you expected. Only because you expect everyone and everything to fall in line for you. I will help you with your ball. I will do what I said. Beyond that… I will please myself.”
She turned away from him, and she stormed out of the study, down the hall and toward her chambers. She was done. Done with all these men. With their designs on her life. She was not a chess piece. Why was it that when men could do something it was a strategy, while she was…manipulative?
She stormed into her room and shut the door behind her loudly. If he could hear, if everyone in the palace could hear, that was fine with her.
What was the point of being a queen if she had to keep her voice down, had to close the door quietly? What was the point of being a queen if she still had no control over anything?
This life…
This was her life for the next two years. Dealing with this man.
