There had been few moments in his life when he had been a man without a mission. But when he had been simply a man, it had always been in the wilderness. He had given that up. He was a symbol now, not a person, and it was something he believed in. Felt keenly.
But it did not mean that sometimes the memory of his teenage years did not call to him. The lure of freedom…
She was a witch, perhaps. Her own designs on freedom infecting him. Informing him now, when he should not be thinking of that at all. He should be thinking about ways to continue to move his country forward.
She let out a breath. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
“It doesn’t bother me. How can it? I don’t recall it.”
“Did you have amnesia? Did you have any idea who you were?”
“Yes. I did, but it only lived in the back of my mind. A very vague understanding. I knew my name, though they did not call me by my name. It was dangerous for anyone to know that I was alive. I understood that. I understood that I was the rightful king, but… I don’t remember life here. I don’t remember if I was close with my parents. It’s all gone. Wiped away by whatever happened that day.”
Her voice had grown hushed. There was softness now on her face that he had never seen directed at him before. “It must’ve been terrible.”
“Happily, I don’t know. Maybe it was. But it is not in my memory. I don’t need it to be. That’s what I’ve decided. It must be useless information. Everything that I have ever needed to know has been there. Every skill that I have ever needed to have has presented itself to me. This, I am certain, is no different. I misspoke. It is not because it is women’s work that I need you to do diplomacy. It is because it is the one thing I don’t understand.”
“Well. That’s better.”
He didn’t like admitting deficiency in any capacity. But a good leader also knew where his weaknesses were.
He would not hold his country back by being stubborn here.
“Well, that was my first piece of diplomacy accomplished—keeping my father from storming your shores—I will go away and ponder the rest.”
“A good plan, my queen.”
It seems a shame, to not be the one to remove her wedding dress.
The thought was so unexpected, the feeling that accompanied it so visceral, he had to brace his palms on the desk as she walked away from him.
He had never thought about marriage. Not beyond the potential for it to be useful politically. Not beyond the need to produce a child to carry on his bloodline.
He had not thought about it all those years, even when he was lonely in the woods. It meant very little to him.
He had always known that he wasn’t part of any of those warm families in the village where he had grown up. That he was not part of the family in the household he was brought up in. He was different. Separate. Later it had become clear to him that it was a good thing he had always been held separate. Because his life was meant to be in service of others. It was meant to restore this nation. It was his responsibility. Born into his blood.
Marriage, family, love, none of that was part of it.
Still, right then, the place where they had been bound together by his cloak burned.
He had no explanation for that.
Chapter Five
SHE WAS HIGHon adrenaline. There was no other explanation. She felt like she had the energy of ten pikas trying to dry hay for their den before the winter came.
She was motivated, more than ever, to make use of these two years.
What she had learned from her time in the convent was that no time was wasted. Even when it felt like it was.
Her time at the convent had taught her more about herself than anything else in her life had. But it had been a quiet time. It had been a thoughtful time, where her own mind had been the teacher.
This was different. She had a job that she could do. She had a purpose.
He was right. She thought that she was going to go out into the world after this and just live a normal life. It was what she wanted. But she would need money. She would need education, a career.
Maybe she would start a farm. But she would need to understand what went into running it and keeping it going.
