I stand and open the door.
“Sorry, I had to tinkle,” I say. “Old bladder.”
Barry looks at me and sweeps a hand dramatically across my body.
“Old man.”
I give him my and Dorothy’s signature withering glance.
Barry looks me over. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t get any pee-pee on that tunic. We need you outside. Everyone wants to talk to Dorothy. You’re like truth serum to fans.”
A pain strikes me out of nowhere in the groin, and I wonder if it’s an ironic phantom pain of guilt or a symptom of my cancer.
I turn to check my appearance one last time, and Barry catches me.
He eyes me even more closely.
“Oh, honey,” Barry says. “Have you been crying?”
“No!” I protest. “Why would you ask that? I never cry.”
“I can always tell when someone has been crying. It’s instinct. Like when a man tells me he’s thirty, but I see the truth in his hands.”
“I wasn’t crying.” I pat Barry’s cheek. “It just might be time for another eye job.”
Barry places a hand on my shoulder. He tilts his head, and I see him become Blanche again.
“Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping,” he says, reciting a line from anotherGolden Girlsepisode.
“Well, this pretty woman wants to go drinking.”
“Streetbar after, as always,” Barry says.
I walk out, and Teddy turns into Dorothy again, releasing zingers and casting withering looks as photos are taken.
We finish and return to the dressing room. Ever the stage mother, Ron helps the other Golden Gays change. I remain in costume—sometimes Dorothy is my armor—and watch the routine. Ron removes their silicone breastplates, which adhere to the skin when we sweat, and then gently rubs lotion onto their backs to help soothe the red welts they have created. He takes off the wigs and gently places each atop its personal mannequin head for transport home.
I watch Ron buzz around, caring for each of us.
“You know what my great-uncle Sven, from St. Olaf always used to tell me, don’t you, Dorothy?”
“No, Rose,” I say, as if we’re still on stage. “Illuminate me.”
“Helgenbargen flergenflurfennerfen!”
I smile.
“You seem like you need a laugh tonight.”
“You do seem off tonight, Teddy,” Sid remarks.
“What is wrong with the three of you? I’m right as rain.”
“But it never rains in the desert,” Sid says with a knowing wink.
Be honest, Teddy. For once in your life.
“Tonight’s episode always brings up memories of my mom and my family,” I say.
