“No, stay,” Trudy says, reaching for me when I stand. “Please.”
“Jesus,” Teddy exclaims, now standing. “You two deserve each other. Evil twins pretending to be angels.”
“I’m evil?” I ask, grabbing Teddy by the arm. “We were living together, and you never said a word about your cancer for how many months now? You were just expecting us to put you in hospice one day, no questions asked? That’s a friendship? That’s angelic?”
“It’s not that hard.” Teddy shrugs. “You get a bed and some morphine and count the days until it’s over.”
“But I love you, Teddy,” I say, my voice cracking. “You are my brother and my best friend.”
“Well, I’ve reconsidered death thanks to Ava,” Teddy says. “So you’ll still get a chance to change my catheter. Lucky us.”
Teddy looks at Trudy. He crosses his arms.
“So, what’s the big secret?” he asks his sister. “Oh, let me guess. You’ve decided to give the money from the house to Ron. Or, was that all just a ruse, too?”
A tear trails down Trudy’s cheek as she continues to stare out the patio door.
“No, Teddy. There’s money for you, but that was just an excuse for why I came.”
“Then what?” Teddy asks, exasperated. “What is the real reason? Enlighten me, please.”
My cheek trembles, and I look at Teddy, knowing what is coming next.
“I was the prey,” Trudy whispers. She suddenly and viciously jabs a finger at the roadrunner and screams, “I was Daddy’s prey!”
The roadrunner hightails it toward the mountain.
“I wasn’t fast enough or smart enough to outrun my roadrunner,” she says, voice low and hoarse, a thunderstorm of tears—a rarity of rain in the desert—drenching her tunic.
I stand and walk unsteadily out of the bedroom. When I am outside, I collapse against the wall, my legs rubber. I slide down the mid-mod wallpaper until I am lying prone on the terrazzo, the tile cool on my hot face.
“When Daddy would drink, he would get...” Trudy’s voice becomes as quiet as a pin drop. “...friendly. He would ask me to sit on his lap, or have a daddy–daughter date to get ice cream at the Dairy Queen. He would play with my hair when he was drinking and driving. He would look at me too long. He would...” Trudy clears her throat “...get excited.
“Mama knew, which I think is why she drank, and why he hit her. She tried to protect me, and I tried to protect you, Teddy, by being Daddy’s friend so you wouldn’t be around him too much when he was drunk. I knew what he would do to you eventually, and to me, and I couldn’t let that happen. I fought him for a long time, Teddy, for such a long time... so I met a boy, you never knew him, and got pregnant so Daddy wouldn’t try to touch me again. I’d rather he beat me for my sin than...” Trudy’s voice trails off. The house buzzes in silence. “I finally told him. I thought maybe he would understand why, or forgive me, or kick me out of the house, or I could have a real family, I don’t know—but I knew I couldn’t be alone with him when he was like that or I would...” I can hear Trudy crying now.
After a moment, she gathers herself and continues.
“But one weekend, Daddy got really drunk, threw me into his truck and forced me to have a back-alley abortion.” Trudy releases a gasp. “He said God would punish me forever for what I had done—me!—and that I could never speak a word of it to anyone, or he wouldn’t just kick me out of the house like he did you, he would kill me for humiliating his family worse than you ever did. I wasn’t allowed to go out, and he didn’t let me watch TV, or listen to music, or have friends. I could only go to church. I lived in hell, Teddy, and I know you did, too, but you were safer on the streets than you were at home. I married Ralph just to get out of the house, and I never told him athing. I never loved him. I only wanted a home and a family where I felt safe and protected. That’s why I sided with Daddy. I didn’t want you coming back while he was alive. That’s why I couldn’t go back again to see Mama. I’ve been living with this guilt forever. And now that Ralph is dead, I only want to repair all the damage I did to you. No more secrets. They have nearly killed the two of us.Pleaseforgive me, Teddy. I don’t know if God ever will, but I need my brother to. Please.” She sobs. “Please, Teddy!”
I clamp my hands to my ears.
My heartbeat thrums a sad soundtrack, and I shut my eyes.
I hear a loud crash.
I lift my head and peek into the bedroom.
A glass is shattered on the floor.
“Oh, God, no! No no noooo!”
Teddy is standing, but he is bent over, hands on his knees, as though he’s about to faint. His body—his entire being—looks broken. He sounds like an animal howling in pain, like the ones I hear late at night, followed by the cackling of coyotes.
“Please tell me that’s not true,” he finally says. “I can’t hear this. I just finally realized I want to live, and now I just want to die. And I just wanted to hate you forever.”
“But Teddy,why?” Trudy asks.
“Because, if I didn’t, then we’re equals in this fucked up world.”
