So long that I map every section of his irises where it looks like bombs of bluish iridescent shimmer have exploded between pools of sage green. I stare at how the two colors swirl together until I’ve forgotten what we were talking about.
A waitress comes to offer refills. I hand her my emptycup. I don’t remember tasting a single drop of the strawberry lemonade.
“Would you like anything to drink?” the waitress asks him, blinking a couple times when he turns around to look at her.
“A water would be great, please,” he says, voice kind. I get a glimpse of his dimple as he turns back to face me, smile washing from his face like the last suds from a car wash being rinsed away.
“Will you excuse me for a moment?” he says.
“Oh, yeah. Of course.”
He stands to greet everyone, and it’s in this moment that I realize he hasn’t spoken to anyone else here. Even though he’s our manager. And this is his event. He sat next to me immediately and showed no interest in joining a different conversation.
I watch with interest as he greets Grom, dapping him up and smacking him on the back like guys do. Sonia and Luna smile at him excitedly, and they all usher him over to grab a ball as they enter his name on the screen beneath mine.
He walks up to the lane with his long legs, rears the ball back, and releases it. It flies down the middle in a perfect line.Strike.They all cheer for him, and he spins around, smiling sheepishly. My lungs constrict at the sight of his dimple. He was great at football; I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that he is still athletic.
To my shock, he walks back over to me, resuming his spot on the torn leather seat. “So, that Calvin guy from earlier…” he starts, brushing his chin in thought. “You guys going on a date while you’re here?”
“Hah.” I snort. “He’s the one with my number, so we’ll see.”
The question was interesting though. Would I go on a date with him if he asked? In college I would’ve turned him awaywithout a second thought. No matter how attractive. I was dead set on chasing my independence, not stopping for a moment to hand my heart over to a boy just for him to drop it when he got bored.
But now? The independence I chased wouldn’t arrive until September, no matter how fast I ran. Lottie was gone. My friends were across the country. Nothing looked like I thought it would. So, why not do something else out of the ordinary? At this point, I didn’t think anything could be as scary as my actual life. The one that existed without Lottie in it. I felt like I was in a horror movie. A boy taking me out and then dropping me would be an interesting side plot at best.
“But, yeah. I think I will if he asks.” I reach for my cup, forgetting that I handed it to the waitress for a refill, and put my hand under my thigh instead.
He’s silent for a second, looking up at the scoreboard. “He’s not worth your time,” he says, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.
I become aware of my heart beating as I try to decode what he’s implying. Especially coming from him. Someone who didn’t think I was worth his time after an entire lifetime spent together.
“You would know about that, wouldn’t you.” It flies out before my mouth has a chance to meet with my brain. I watch it land, shoulders flinching as if I’ve physically thrown something at him. I dig my fingers into the underside of my thigh where he can’t see my hands.
“Someone not being worth my time, or me not being worth yours?” he asks, staring at me like my answer will provide his next breath.
His energy is so concentrated on me, I forget there are people surrounding us, drinking, eating, having fun to the beat of pop music. My ears pick up the thud of dropping bowling ballsand muffled cheering as if from a hundred miles away. My eyes only see Declan, like the light stops illuminating all else once it reaches the periphery of his solemn face.
“The former,” I breathe.
Why did I just admit that?I berate myself internally. But then I picture him sitting on the curb outside Lottie’s funeral, face blushing as he referenced the friends he shouldn’t have known about. The ones he only knew because he’d checked on me.
I watch his eyes dart from my left eye to my right. Then down to my lips and back up again.
“You’ve always been worth my time, Blair.”
His words feel like a vacuum, sucking up my ability to hear anything else as they reverberate through my ears.
But before I can respond, his phone rings. He stands up sharply and crosses the bowling alley and bar as he takes the call.
I replay his words, but I can’t make sense of them.
Why wasn’t I worth his time for the past four years?
I glance at the scoreboard, my name still last, and stand up to leave without saying goodbye to anyone. I throw a ten down for my strawberry lemonade.
Chapter 16
You’ve always been worth my time, Blair.”
