“It’s weird because I didn’t officially tell them I was leaving. So how do I announce that I’m not leaving?”
“Group chat. Just say hey, I’m not leaving after all, looking forward to shooting the new season, exclamation point.” He reaches for his laptop, types something, and a minute later an email pops up in Simon’s inbox. It’s word-for-word what Jamie just said. “Copy and paste,” Jamie says.
“You don’t need to be my assistant.”
Jamie frowns. “Noooo. I don’t think of myself as your assistant.”
“I know!” Simon’s face is hot. “I know you aren’t.” Then again, Jamie’s spent the past few weeks dog sitting for Simon. He goes with Simon to every event that involves a plus one and acts as a social buffer. He’s run Simon’s errands and filled his refrigerator a non-zero number of times. He does all Simon’s social media. This isn’tthe first time he’s drafted texts or emails for Simon. “Am I treating you like my assistant?”
“If you were crossing a line I’d have told you. I like helping. You help me too, you know. Knowing that I have a place to stay is huge.”
“I can pay you.”
Jamie throws up his hands. Edie startles in her sleep. “And I can pay rent.”
“Are we bartering? Is this, like, a trade? You help me in exchange for housing?” There’s nothing wrong with that kind of arrangement, probably, but he doesn’t want to be Jamie’s landlord, however informally.
“No!” Jamie is visibly pissed. Simon can see him bite back a comment and take a cleansing breath. “You have room in your house, and I need a place to stay. I have time in my day to do things you don’t have the mental bandwidth for. But those two things aren’t related. We’re helping one another because we can help one another.”
“Okay. Good.”
“I’m not broke.”
“I’m glad.”
“I can show you my bank statements. I can afford an apartment. I’m not here because I’m homeless.”
“Jamie.”
“Sorry, sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. I’m being weird about this.”
“Actually, no, you really aren’t. I think this is all on me. I feel wrong not paying rent. Not morally wrong, just unsettled. I have basically no expenses right now? It’s insane. So, uh, thank you.”
“You’re welcome. And thank you.” Simon manages not to offerto put Jamie’s name on the deed to the house, because that’s probably weird and also not going to help.
“A real assistant might be a good idea, though. Someone who does that as their job will think of things that wouldn’t occur to me.”
Simon is a little taken aback. “I’m not busy enough to need an assistant.”
“It’s not about how busy you are. You have a—” He breaks off. “I’m not sure if disability is the right word.”
It’s not a word that’s come up before. Not with Jamie and not with his therapist. Debilitating, yes. But “debilitating anxiety” sounds like something you should figure out how to cope with, not something you should get an assistant for.Disabilityfeels more accurate when he’s thinking about his migraines, even though they’re reasonably well controlled right now. Maybe it’s the combination of the two things that pushes the entire situation over the edge into unmanageability? Or maybe Simon’s definition of disability needs work.
“For the past few weeks,” Jamie says, very gently, “would you have been able to go to work if you had a regular job?”
The answer is yes, obviously, Simon could have gone to work. It just would have been agony.
When they end the call, Simon opens the main cast group chat and pastes the message Jamie drafted. The responses start coming in almost immediately.
Alex:!!!
Petra:♥♥♥
Amadi:wait were you NOT going to sign? I thought only alex was leaving, wtf
Alex:we’ve been through this babe
