By the end of the second season, he realizes he and Charlie have been watchingOut Therefor four days. It’s basically the length of time they spent together in Arizona, but they’re doing it on opposite sides of the country.
Charlie:this is my hottest season
Simon:no
Charlie:okay, tell me what IS my hottest season
Simon:also no
Charlie:your hottest season is this last one
Charlie:it’s the gray hair
Simon:blocking your number
Charlie:no shut up we’re getting to the space snakes now
This latest season is Charlie at his hottest to date, because he’s clearly on an upward trajectory. He has the features to pull off some weathering.
Those first few seasons, Simon obviouslyknewCharlie was attractive, but it hadn’t really registered. Charlie had been twenty, twenty-one,young. Only in the last few years has Simon’s awareness of Charlie shifted, and even then, it happened gradually enough that Simon could pretend it wasn’t happening.
The next episode is another alien diplomat love triangle. He wants to know who in the writers’ room got hurt by a diplomat. It’s not the best episode, so he keeps one eye on the show and texts Charlie.
Simon:are you okay with Alex leaving?
Charlie:I’m happy for her
The response is immediate but doesn’t answer the question. Simon isn’t sure if he should press it. A friend would ask, even though Simon’s no good at being a friend, and even though friendship doesn’t fully explain whatever he and Charlie are.
Simon:but are YOU okay
Charlie:I knew it was coming. I’ll miss her but I really am happy for her
That still isn’t exactly an answer, but Simon gets it. He tries to imagine Jamie getting a job that meant they didn’t get to see one another much. He’d miss Jamie but he’d be happy for him.
And now he feels like a fool becauseof coursethat’s how Jamie feels about Simon’s career. You can be happy for someone and also not feel great about yourself.
Charlie:are you gonna get mad if I ask you something
Simon:I mean, probably? But now you have to ask anyway
Charlie:are you okay? I thought you might be staying in NYC because you’re having fun but you’re on your couch all day
Simon could answer with a dishonest “yes” or a more honest “almost” but he doesn’t think that’s what Charlie’s asking.
Simon:did you ever read The Yellow Wallpaper?
Charlie:are any dragons in it? Because if not, you know the answer
Simon:ha
Simon:it’s about a woman in the 1800s who (supposedly) had some kind of mental episode and her doctor husband makes her stay in the attic and not do anything as “treatment”
Simon:(but he’s totally just locking her up)
Simon:anyway, she has nothing to do but look at the yellow wallpaper (she loses her mind, obviously)
Simon:but when my anxiety’s really bad, I want nothing more than to be stored in an attic where nobody expects me to do anything and I don’t have to interact with anybody
