Which means (1) it doesn’t have whatever aged meats or cheeses give some people migraines, and (2) Lian’s been paying attention to what he eats. This gives Simon a strange feeling that he refuses to identify or dwell on, so he takes a bite of what turns out to be some kind of grain salad and arranges his face so it looks like he’s paying attention to the conversations around him.
Charlie (wearing actual cargo shorts in a room full of adults eating an expensively catered dinner at their boss’s house) is arguing loudly with Alex about something Simon thinks is a cartoon. They’ve been having this exact argument for seven years. Amadi is letting Petra monologue about her wedding plans. Roshni and Lian are whispering, their heads close together.
It’s comfortable in a way he imagines isn’t so rare for most people. He isn’t going to miss the work, but he might miss this feeling of almost belonging. He’ll never go to Lian’s house for another dinner she insists is mainly for the tax deduction but is actually because—against all odds—most of the people on this show like one another. Well, they don’t like him, but he’s one of them anyway.
He’s almost enjoying himself, despite the occasional displeased looks Charlie keeps throwing his way. Annoyingly, Simon doesn’t even know what he did to bother Charlie this time. He likes a full inventory of Charlie’s sore spots.
Usually Simon makes an excuse and leaves right after dinner, but tonight he hesitates. Still, not wanting to leave isn’t the same as wanting to stay, so he slips out to Lian’s backyard.
Someone else already had that idea, though—two people, actually. And they’re kissing. He notices the cargo shorts first, and no surprises there—Charlie and Alex are back together. All that cartoon-based fighting was probably their idea of foreplay. They haven’t noticed him, so he takes a step back toward the house, but stops short when he realizes that the person Charlie’s kissing isn’t Alex. It isn’t a woman at all. It’s one of the waiters from the catering company.
Back inside, Simon locks himself in the bathroom.
Simon’s general policy about everyone else’s sex life is that the less he knows, the happier he is. He hopes they repay the favor, because while he’s made practically zero effort to hide that he’s gay, he doesn’t want to have to talk about it. He isn’t famous enough for it to matter, except to a few dedicated weirdos who are niche enough that their speculation rarely leaks outside their own world of carefully curated, intensely homoeroticOut ThereGIFs.
Anyway, Simon tries not to pay attention, but there’s some horrible, traitorous part of his brain that’s always tuned-in to whatever Charlie Blake is doing. Simon notices if Charlie looks a little too long at a guest actor, or if he flirts back when the set design guy flirts with him. Simon’s noticed, but he’s never let himself come to any conclusions. It’s none of his business. And—maybe he doesn’t want to think about Charlie Blake being queer.
The problem Simon has right now is that Charlie isn’t out, at least not at work. And even if he’s out to some of the cast, someone else from the catering company could see him, not to mention Lian’s teenage kids.
Simon doesn’t have a lot of humanitarian impulses but he isn’tletting people get outed, not even Charlie, not even when he’s kissing a cater waiter basically in public.
He leaves the bathroom and stations himself by the back door, with no clear idea of how exactly he’ll go about waylaying anyone who tries to go outside. He takes out his phone and starts playing sudoku, which won’t raise any questions, since hiding in empty hallways and playing on his phone is pretty on-brand for him.
The waiter comes inside first, not sparing a glance toward the corner where Simon’s lurking. Simon could go back to the living room now, but he doesn’t, so he’s still there, skulking in the shadows in the creepiest possible way, when Charlie comes inside.
“What are you doing?” Charlie asks.
“Reading,” Simon lies.
“Did you start that dragon book?”
Bafflingly, Charlie sounds like he’s attempting a normal conversation. He’s talking to Simon like it’s a natural continuation from yesterday’s ill-advised messages. Simon doesn’t like it. It makes him feel off-balance, much more so than the revelation that Charlie is apparently into men.
“No.” Simon isn’t sure whether he’s rejecting dragon romance or civil conversation or something else, so he turns on his heel and heads back to the living room, where everyone’s standing around in a way that means they’re about to leave. Alex is giving Roshni a hug that’s only slightly less violent than a football tackle. Simon decides to leave before it’s his turn to get mauled. He thanks Lian for dinner and books it for the door.
“Do you need a ride?” Charlie asks, following him out.
“I drove.”
“Good, then you can drive me home.”
“No, I really—”
“Alex, keys,” Charlie says, and before the words are even out of his mouth, he’s taken his key fob out of his pocket and tossed it toward where Alex has just left the house. She catches it in one hand.
“Sweet,” she says.
“Wait,” Simon protests, trying to come up with an excuse not to drive Charlie home in front of a group of people who all know perfectly well that Charlie has driven Simon home dozens of times. But before he can think of anything, Alex is pulling out of Lian’s driveway in Charlie’s car.
“Door,” Charlie says, pulling on the handle of the driver’s side door on Simon’s car.
“What?”
“Unlock the door,” Charlie says, very slowly, like Simon’s the one here who isn’t making sense. “So I can get into your car.”
“I can drive, you know.” But even as he says it, he’s unlocking the door. It’s just because he hates driving, that’s all, or maybe because he isn’t tacky enough to argue with Charlie in Lian’s driveway.
Charlie spends a full minute moving Simon’s seat back and adjusting the mirrors and in general making it so the next time Simon has to drive, the car will feel like a rental.
