“There were a few,” he corrected. “I contacted her and we hit it off. Everything was great.”
“Until,” she prompted.
“Until she wanted more than what we had. About a year after we got married, she decided she wanted to be an influencer. It’s a big commitment, timewise, and it took over. Shewas doing makeup videos and other stuff. Boxes of products started showing up. Despite living in the same house, we saw less and less of each other. Before I knew what was happening, we were living separate lives, which I didn’t like, but instead of talking to her about how I felt, I withdrew.”
She sighed. “I’m sorry. The death of a marriage totally sucks.”
“It does. About then she started making serious money. She was talking about moving to LA.”
“And your life is here.”
He nodded. “So we agreed to end things. It made me sad. I wanted the relationship to work out but looking back I wonder if it was doomed from the start. I think we both only saw what we wanted to see, rather than what was real. When we were signing the papers, she said what she would miss the most was how well I photographed.”
“Really?” Jax winced. “That had to hurt.” Wouldn’t you want your spouse to miss more than that? “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’ve worked through it all. Next time I’ll get to know the person before I commit. I want someone in my life I can respect, who respects me. Someone who’s a friend as well as a lover.”
“You have a plan,” she said, wondering if she should have one as well. A way to avoid making the same mistakes she had with Harris.
“What about you?” he asked. “What do you want in a man?”
She blinked at him. “You mean for dating?” She considered the question. “I have no idea, mostly because I’ve been avoiding even thinking about getting involved with anyone.”
“Why? It’s been over a year since the divorce. I don’t think you’re still in love with Harris.”
“God, no. In love with him?” She shuddered. “He’s making bad decisions, just like he always did. I’m happy to have things over.” She paused, realizing she’d made him out to be worse than he was. “I mean he’s a great father. I’d rather have full custody ofthe kids, but he wouldn’t go for that. He’s there for them, which I appreciate.”
“What went wrong in your marriage?”
She sipped her beer. “Dozens of things. I want to say it was all him—that’s the story I’ve been telling myself—only I’m starting to wonder if that’s true. We were in our marriage together so in theory I must have blame.”
She paused to think about the past. “He was gone a lot, which it turns out I really didn’t mind. It was his being home that was difficult, probably because when he was around, I couldn’t be in charge. Sometimes it felt like he didn’t fit, if that makes sense. Or maybe I didn’t want him to fit. It was like we had our rhythm and then he would show up and want to be a part of things.”
“That bastard.”
She grinned. “I know, I know. That’s horrible of me. Harris had every right to be a member of the family. We fought a lot. I thought we kept it from the kids, but it turns out we didn’t. They knew and it scared them. Which makes me feel like an awful mom.”
“You’re not. You’re human, so you make mistakes, but on a day-to-day basis, you show up.”
“You can’t know that.”
He waved his beer toward her. “I can and I do. I’ve seen you with Ramon. He’s not an easy pet, but you’re in for him a hundred percent. You live your life around his schedule. You’d be even more involved with your children. You’re a good mom for sure.”
“Thanks. I hope you’re right.”
And while she appreciated his kind words, a voice in the back of her head whispered that while she might be a decent parent, she was starting to wonder if she’d been something of a crappy wife. And if she had been, what did that say about her?
Chapter Ten
Ryleigh and Alex sat out on the deck of their rental condo. The evening was clear, although there were too many lights around for them to see stars. Not like back home where a ten-minute drive got you out of town and allowed the night sky to shine.
“Today was good,” he said, glancing at her. “Noah’s having the best time.”
“I am, too. It’s been fun to be back.”
Yesterday they’d spent most of the day at the San Diego Zoo. Despite taking the tram tour, they’d walked for hours, viewing all the animals. This morning they’d visited the Model Railroad Museum together, then she’d taken the car to drive around town while Alex and Noah had grabbed lunch before taking in a puppet show.
She’d gone to two different neighborhoods where there were openings for teachers, and had even walked through an open house for a small condo.
