He shook his head. “Nope. You’ll have to live with the uncertainty.” He checked on Noah, then glanced back at her. “Ryan who owns the nursery outside of town.”
“He smells.”
“He what?”
“Smells. I’m sorry to be judgy but it’s the truth. It’s not because of the nursery. He smelled before. It’s just a biological thing. The man has an odor I don’t find pleasant.”
Alex chuckled. “Poor guy.”
“I feel bad for him as well, but not bad enough that I want to date him. The dating pool in our town is very small.”
Alex looked over at her. “Interesting.”
“What? You have a tone. What’s interesting?”
“You’re entertaining the concept of dating. You didn’t say no immediately or protest that you weren’t ready.”
Yikes, was that true? “Are you judging me?”
“Never. But it’s information. It’s only been a couple of weeks since you and Dustin split up and you seem more upset about not knowing what to do with your future than losing the man.” He gentled his tone. “Maybe you weren’t as in love with him as you thought.”
Her first instinct was to protest. Of course she’d been in love with Dustin. She’d wanted to marry him. Only she’d said no and although it was like a kick to the gut, Alex was making a good point. She was more upset over her life than losing the guy. Weirdly, she barely thought about him and didn’t miss him much at all. Which meant what? That she’d been fooling herself the whole time? That she’d only been playing at being in love?
“So I was lying to myself?” she asked with a groan. “Or I don’t know myself very well?”
“You want what you want. For a while you thought Dustin could be the one, but he wasn’t. You found out and now you’regoing to change direction. Think of it as a time of personal growth.”
“If all that is true, I wasted fifteen months of my life in a relationship I didn’t really want. I’m not sure personal growth is the right definition.” She leaned back against the chaise and sighed. “I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not. You were settling and when you’re settling, you don’t expect things to be great.”
She looked at him. “Is this you trying to make me feel better?”
“This is me being your friend.”
He was right, she thought sadly. She had been settling. Admitting that made her think of all the times Jax had talked about sparks, or the lack of sparks. Had her sister been right?
“What did you think of me and Dustin?” she asked.
“I thought you were fine together.”
“Happy? Did you see sparks?”
He frowned. “Sparks?”
“You know, that glow couples have when they’re together. Jax talked about how she and Harris were one giant spark when they met and that she never saw that with me and Dustin.”
“You’re talking chemistry.”
“I guess. You were immediately attracted to Kim, weren’t you?”
His mouth curved into a sweet yet sad smile. “I was.”
“And she was into you.”
“Weren’t you attracted to Dustin?” he asked.
“Sure.” She paused. “In a, you know, quiet way.”
