“You think we fought a lot?” she asked, as guilt and shame battled with regret.
Gentry nodded. “You’d yell at Dad and he would yell back.It stopped when you got a divorce.” She frowned. “I don’t know if you get along better or if you just don’t spend as much time together. But when you were married, it was bad.”
“Sometimes I’d get scared,” Xander admitted. “I’d have to go sleep with Gentry.”
“How didn’t I know this? I’m sorry, guys. Your dad and I never wanted you to be uncomfortable.” She thought they’d been careful to keep their fights away from the children, but apparently they’d messed up. She hated thinking of either of her kids being so scared.
“We were in a bad place in our marriage and we weren’t getting along, but we shouldn’t have let you hear us. That was a mistake and I’m sorry for it.”
“We’re okay, Mom,” Gentry told her. “We have friends who are upset their parents are getting a divorce, because they’re scared of all the changes. But it wasn’t like that with you and Dad. You took care of us. We like that we get to stay in the house. It makes us feel secure. And you get along so much better now. The divorce was actually a good thing for our family.”
Xander nodded. “Don’t worry, Mom. We’re fine.”
She hugged them both. “You’re growing up so fast,” she said. “I don’t like it.”
They all laughed. Over the next few minutes they got dinner on the table. After sitting down, they said grace, then started to eat. Jax chatted along with them, but a part of her mind was focused on what her kids had said about her and Harris fighting all the time. That wasn’t how she remembered things, but she trusted what her children said. She ached for how they’d been caught up in circumstances they couldn’t control. The blame was on both her and Harris. But accepting responsibility didn’t change the past. They were both good people—how had they allowed themselves to let down their children? She supposed it was because they’d been too focused on their individual unhappiness.
Not a mistake she was going to let happen again, she vowed. And she would talk to Harris about the changes the children were going to have to deal with. Whatever craziness was happening with Shawna, he was always there for the kids. She wanted to make sure that didn’t change.
Ryleigh sipped her strawberry lemonade and tried to get herself interested in applying more sunscreen. The problem was her quest for healthy skin was mitigated by how great she looked with a bit of a tan. It was a glorious spring Saturday afternoon. The temperature—higher than normal at nearly eighty-two—meant hanging out at the park pool was a great way to spend a couple of hours. Noah splashed around with his friends while Alex lounged next to her, sunglasses on, his head turned to keep a firm eye on his son. There was a light breeze, shade from the big umbrellas and the promise of summer just around the corner.
“I hope you’re wrong about Harris,” he said, never looking away from Noah. “You shouldn’t play with people’s hearts like that.”
“I agree on both. I’d love to be wrong but Jax said when she talked to him, he practically admitted he wasn’t as in love with Shawna as the proposal might make you believe. It’s sad. Doesn’t anyone just fall in love and live a great life anymore?”
“Lots of people do.”
“Name three.”
“Kim and I had a great life. Until she got sick and, you know, died.”
“Exactly. If she hadn’t gotten sick, she would be here with you instead of me and, while I’m having a good time and know I’m delightful company, don’t you wish it were her instead?”
“I enjoy your company.” He offered a faint smile as he spoke.
“The diplomatic answer,” she said lightly, knowing how much he still missed his late wife.
Alex gave a slight shrug, then said, “Back to Harris. I hate to think of him being that much of a dick. I always liked him.”
“I had to stop liking him after the divorce.”
“Sure. Jax is your sister. But this is a whole different thing.”
She nodded in agreement, wondering how so much had changed in such a short period of time. Only weeks ago she’d been waiting for Dustin to propose, and Harris had been a normal guy with a slightly too young girlfriend. Now it was all a mess.
“Should I move?” she asked.
“No.”
“Just like that? I thought you were supportive of change.”
He continued to watch Noah and his friends. “I am. You should consider all your options but the problem with Dustin just happened. You’re still trying to process all the facts. This isn’t the time to make a big life-altering decision.”
“You’re right but I feel like I need to do something.”
“Paint an accent wall.”
That made her burst out laughing. “An accent wall. Seriously?”
