“I know and when that faded, we didn’t have a strong friendship to help us keep things going.” He sat up. “I’ve been thinking about us and what went wrong. We never learned to be a team, which is kind of crazy because teams are my world. I should have seen the problem.”
“I should have wanted us to be a team in the first place.” She hesitated then said, “Why did you leave when you did? What happened to push you to make the decision?”
He looked surprised at the question, then shrugged. “It had been on my mind for a while but I figured we could keep trying, you know? Then Kim died. It was at her funeral. I saw how broken Alex was. He didn’t look like he could survive without her. I kept thinking that if I died, you’d be relieved to have me gone. That’s when I knew I had to go.”
She flinched. “Harris, I never wanted you dead.”
“I know. But gone... that one worked for you.”
She wanted to protest that wasn’t true, only she knew it was. “I was so intent on getting my way.”
“You do enjoy controlling the situation.”
Not with Marcus, she thought sadly. With him, she’d been willing to let go. She hadn’t been so scared. He’d understood her and she’d been learning to understand him. Only she’d messed up and now he was gone.
“So we suck at marriage,” Harris said. “But hey, we have great kids.”
She nodded.
Ryleigh joined them and conversation became more general. But even as she talked and laughed, Jax kept thinking about what Harris had said—that they sucked at marriage. That wasn’t who she wanted to be. She wanted to be good at marriage. But even as she thought that, a voice asked her why bother. After all, it seemed that her real goal was to be alone for the rest of her life. And wasn’t that the worst?
“You need help?” Alex asked as Ryleigh stood and brushed off sand.
She grinned at him. “I’m going to the bathroom, so no.”
“I thought you were making a food run.”
She laughed. “You’re hungry again? Didn’t you have a giant burger for lunch?”
“That was hours ago. Doesn’t funnel cake sound good?”
“Sure. Let me do my thing, then I’ll come back and we can go get funnel cake. In the meantime, ask Noah what he wants.”
His son was a couple of blankets away, playing with his friends. He’d already been in the water five times and was demanding his dad teach him to bodysurf. He was growing up so fast, she thought as she walked toward the bathrooms.
She was about to get in line when she heard someone call her name. She turned and saw Dustin walking toward her.
She froze where she was, not sure what to do. She hadn’t seen him since she’d turned down his proposal and the last time they’d been in contact had been when he’d texted to ask if Alex was the reason they’d broken up. This encounter had “awkward” written all over it.
“Dustin, hi,” she said, hoping she sounded friendly rather than uncomfortable. “How are you?”
“Good.” He stopped in front of her. “Great crowd today.”
“It is. The weather’s cooperating.” Because sometimes it could be cloudy and cool on the Fourth. “So, ah, how are you?”
He gave her a faint smile. “You just asked that. I’m still good.”
“Right. Sorry.”
He looked past her. “You’re here with your sister and her kids?”
“Yes, and Harris and Alex and Noah.” She waved her hand. “You know. The usual.”
“I remember.”
Right, because he’d been part of the group last year. She felt herself flush and tried to think of something to say. Before she could come up with a safe topic, he said, “You look good.”
“Thanks. So do you.”
