“I know exactly what you mean,” Ryleigh said, thinking of how much she was going to miss Noah if she moved. Theyhad a routine, a rhythm to their lives. She thought of her week in terms of him and Alex. In many ways, they anchored her in space and time, and without them, she would be adrift.
“Gentry and Xander aren’t going to forget you,” she added. “They really like you.”
“Thank you for saying that.” Shawna blew her nose. “I know this is going to sound strange, but I’m going to miss Jax, too. She was great. Such a good mom and so very kind to me. She didn’t have to be, but she was. The way she moved out of the bedroom and everything. Her bird is scary, but otherwise, she’s the most together ex-wife ever.”
Ryleigh knew her sister would appreciate the praise but then would laugh at the thought of being together. “I’ll tell her you said that.”
“Good. She’s amazing. I wondered about the marriage—what went wrong and stuff—but now I know it has to have been Harris.” She sniffed. “I feel so stupid. I believed him when he said he loved me. I believed him when he proposed.”
“Hey, you were right to believe him. Why wouldn’t you? He was totally in the wrong. You’re the innocent party here.”
“I know but somehow that doesn’t make me feel better. Maybe if I could stop loving him, but I can’t.” Her lower lip trembled. “It’s the worst loving someone who doesn’t love you back.”
“I know,” Ryleigh said with a sigh, then realized she probably shouldn’t have said that, especially when Shawna stared at her.
“Alex,” she breathed.
“What? No! Definitely not. Alex? Don’t be silly. We’re just friends.” Ryleigh tried to be convincing but the longer she talked, the less even she believed herself.
“You’re in love with him,” Shawna said, her voice concerned. “Does he know?”
Ryleigh groaned. “Fine. Yes, I’m in love with him and no he doesn’t know. I just figured it out myself. I’m not even a hundred percent sure what I feel is love. Maybe it’s stomach flu.”
Shawna managed a watery smile. “It’s not the flu. And when I think about it, you falling for him makes sense. You’re together all the time. You do things like a family. Oh, no. Noah. You already loved him and this makes it worse.”
She grabbed Ryleigh’s hands. “It’s what I said before. The kid thing. They make it more difficult.”
“They do.” Ryleigh squeezed her fingers before pulling back. “I’m confused and sad and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I know I’m important to Alex. We’re tight.” She thought it best not to mention the fact that they were sleeping together.
“Do you think you were in love with him when you were with Dustin? Is that why you broke up?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so but I’m genuinely not sure.” Poor Dustin, she thought. Whether or not she’d been in love with Alex at the time, she’d totally messed up everything.
“You need to tell Alex,” Shawna said. “What if he feels the same way and doesn’t know how to say anything?”
Ryleigh physically recoiled. “Tell him? No way. I couldn’t do that. He’s still in love with Kim.”
“It’s been a while now. He’s moved on.”
She thought about how he’d talked about being ready for sex but not for a relationship. “No, he’s still dealing with the loss. He’s told me he’s not ready to get involved with anyone.”
“Maybe that’s because he’s already involved with you.”
“I wish.” Ryleigh sighed.
Shawna leaned toward her. “So you’re not going to do anything? You’re going to keep being his friend while secretly loving him?”
“Pretty much.”
“Ryleigh, no. Tell him. See what he says. Even if he’s not completely in love with you, saying the words might cause him to consider the possibilities.”
“Or it might make him point and laugh.” She shuddered. “It’s too risky.”
“So you’d rather not be with him? Don’t miss out on a great guy because you’re scared.”
Ryleigh knew that Shawna was making sense, but she wasn’t sure she was brave enough to follow through.
“You’re really wise.”
