Marcus swore. “He didn’t ask you to do that.”
“Oh, he did. He begged. He’s finally admitting he’s in over his head. She’s been telling him her expectations all along—I guess he finally started listening.” She put down her sandwich and sighed. “I feel so horrible for her. She’s in love and has rightfully assumed the man who proposed really wants to marry her. She’ll be heartbroken, which is bad enough, but for the rest of her life she’s going to have to deal with the fact that she was played. How is she ever supposed to trust anyone again?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know. I found her and her mother so annoying, but no one deserves this. I’m disappointed in Harris. He’s not perfect, but I would never have guessed he was this selfish. We had problems in our marriage, but nothing like this.”
She thought for a moment, then looked at Marcus. “And even as I talk about how awful he was with Shawna, I’m more and more convinced that I’m more than 50 percent responsible for the failure of our marriage. When he said he wanted out, Iwas shocked and crushed and blamed him, but now I think it wasn’t him at all. I didn’t want to be married to him. Not in any meaningful way. Ours was never a partnership. I decided.” She grimaced. “Honestly the first and only time Harris decided something on his own was when he said he was leaving. I think part of the shock was I couldn’t believe he would make such a huge decision without me.”
“Do you regret your marriage wasn’t a partnership?”
An interesting question, she thought. “I regret Harris and I never connected the way a married couple is supposed to. But there’s nothing he could have done to convince me to trust him, so we were always doomed.” She hesitated. “It would be hard to give up so much control.”
“But think what you’d get in return.”
“Maybe. With the right person.” She sighed. “Harris and I had amazing chemistry. We were young, he was my first serious relationship. I’d had boyfriends before, but I’d never felt the way I did when I was with him. We were still in the middle of all that good sex when we got married. But he was playing baseball and I was tied to the store and Ramon, and my life kind of went on as it always had. We never truly became a couple.”
She shook her head. “So I’ve just now shown you that I’m a horrible person. You probably don’t want to date me anymore.”
She spoke half teasing, half testing to see if she was telling the truth, then waited.
Marcus looked at her for a long time. “What do you want now as far as a relationship? Or are you happy with your life the way it is?”
She thought about how she looked forward to seeing him throughout the day and how he’d been there for her, as if he really cared. More importantly, she’d been able to trust him. It was a new experience for her.
She smiled. “Well, I’m seeing someone and it’s nice.”
His mouth twitched. “Yeah?”
“Very nice. He’s sweet and kind and sexy. Just as important, he was a rock when I needed him to be.” She let her smile fade. “I mean that. You were there for me and I’m so grateful.”
“Anytime.”
“Thank you. And I can be your rock if you need one, although you don’t seem the type.”
“We all have bad days,” he told her. “When they happen, I remind myself to stay present.”
“So you don’t pull back? You said that’s what you did in your marriage.”
“I want to learn from my mistakes.” His gaze was intent. “I want to do better next time.”
She felt he was trying to tell her something but she had no idea what. Still, just being with him made her feel good. They were friends first and after the disaster that had been Harris, maybe that was a good thing.
“I have the kids this week,” she said. “Want to have dinner next week?”
“Yes.”
“Want to have breakfast afterward?”
The words came out of nowhere, surprising her and very possibly him.
He chuckled. “If you could see your face. Want to take it back?”
She did a nanosecond of soul-searching, then shook her head as her body heated in anticipation. “I stand by my question.”
“You sure?”
“I keep hearing all this hype about you,” she teased, wishing the date was sooner. “I want to see if you live up to it.”
