“What?”
“I’m not even pissed. I think if I could be angry, I would feel better, but I’m just sad. I want to be heading in a certain direction and now that feels even further away than ever.”
“I’m sorry.”
She stared at him. “Do you have anything slightly more insightful to add?”
“Dustin talks about you like you’re important to him and he’s in love with you.”
“But?”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I know him through work. We share a coffee room at the law practice, but except for when we do stuff with you, I don’t hang out with him much. I don’t have any secrets to spill.”
“But if you did, you’d tell me everything?”
His gaze was steady. “Every word of it. I’d betray his confidence in a heartbeat.”
She managed a smile. “You’re sweet to say that, even though I know you’re lying.”
“I don’t lie. I’m an officer of the court.” His smile faded. “You’re not wrong to hold out for what you want,” he told her. “Real love, the good kind, is worth finding. When you meet the right person, you know it. There’s a feeling of being complete, whole, for the first time. I didn’t know there was a part of myself missing until I met Kim.”
His words filled her with longing. “I saw the apples on the counter. You were going to make her favorite pork dish.”
He shrugged. “I was and then I couldn’t do it. Sometimes I don’t have a problem with the recipe, but today, I didn’t think I could get through it.”
“You still love her.”
“Every day.”
“I want that,” she said fiercely. “I want what you had.”
“And you should have it.” He leaned toward her. “You haveso much to offer, Ryleigh. Don’t settle for anything less than being swept away. If Dustin does that for you, maybe it’s time to be straight with him and just tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t respond how you want, then maybe you need to be with someone else.”
It was too much advice all at once, she thought, feeling faintly panicky. “You’re saying I flat out tell him I want to be married and get started on the rest of my life.” She shook her head. “That is not happening. I couldn’t say that. I refuse to be the needy woman who only talks about getting married.”
“But it’s what you want.”
“Yes, and that’s my rock to carry.”
“Dustin can’t read your mind.”
“He could if he tried harder.”
Alex smiled at her. “You know you don’t mean that. I want you to be happy. Sometimes the price of that is taking a chance.”
“I don’t want Dustin proposing because he thinks he has to. I want him to want me desperately and believe that we should spend our lives together.”
“And the way he says that is by proposing?”
“It’s a good first step, although at this point, I’d be fine with him simply telling me that and proposing later. I thought I knew where we were and now I don’t.” She sighed. “It’s not just the marriage thing, although that’s a lot of it. I’m thirty-three. People my age are usually settled in their forever lives. I’m tired of being in limbo.”
She thought about how one day Kim had been fine and the next she’d been diagnosed with cancer. Months after that, she’d been gone. Life was precious and sometimes she felt she was wasting hers.
“I want kids. I want to know what my future looks like. Part of me says to be self-actualized and make it happen but that’s tough to do when there’s someone else involved.”
“Want me to ask him what’s going on?”
She glared at him. “That’s not even close to funny. And no, I don’t want you to talk to him about anything but work and sports.”
