I trust you.
“Look, Vin. I won’t do the Craigslist thing. You were right about that. You don’t have to get naked just to stop me from doing something dumb.”
Now he’s looking at the floor. “I’m not allowed to help you?”
And what am I supposed to say to that? No?
Of course not! Nor can I say yes.
I go with a good old-fashioned foot stomp. And then I say the only thing I really can that doesn’t proclaim eitherI don’t want your help,which feels incriminating,or I do want your help,which also feels incriminating.
“Well!”
“Look, you said classes are too expensive. Strangers on the internet are a bad idea. And based on your reaction to your accidental date last night—”
“Ack!”
“—it seems like finding someoneelseto see naked isn’t…” His eyes glitter with something I can’t name. “Isn’t…what you want. So…” He throws two arms out. “I figure, you’ve got a husband. It’s a person and, uh, territory you’re…familiar with, at least.” He pauses, looking like this conversation has just shaved a year off his life. “Right?”
“Right. Well…fine. Thank you. We can try.Try.If it’s weird, we’re bailing.”
“All right.” He nods and his face has gone full marble again. “Where do you want me?” He looks around. “The kitchen probably has the best light, yeah? But that seems kind of weird, somehow.” He scratches at the back of his neck. “Living room is probably best, huh?”
I’m gaping at him. “Now?”
“I mean…yeah? There’s time before work.”
How can he be so cool about this? I’m slowly disintegrating on the inside and he’s all, yeah, sure, what’s the big deal about showing you my dick?
I want to demand that we do it next week, next month,never!in fact. But if I delay, then he’ll know that I need to mentally prepare myself to see his naked body and if he knows that then he’ll be able to figure out how much the idea of him naked affects me and if he knowsthatthen he’ll know that when I can’t sleep I imagine him naked in my bed next to me, his leg between my legs, his chest under my cheek, his big hand moving up and down my back, his nose in my hair…
Okay, he probably won’t be able to figure out that last part but he’s going to getvibesif I delay this, so—
“Sure! Living room!” I (accidentally) shout. “Let me get my drawing stuff.”
I scurry to my bedroom and pull out my drawing bag. See!This is normal. Look at all these drawings. I do this. I’m a draw-er. I…can totally do this. My drawing pad under one arm, I look down at my selection of pencils and immediately hit a brick wall.
Which drawing utensil to choose?
“Roz!” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “You’re not choosing lingerie for a big date. Grab a number two pencil! Draw, Antonio, draw! Draw and don’t waste time!”
I must look like a professional athlete with a gold medal on the line because as soon as I march into the living room, Vin’s eyebrows rise, his spine straightens, and his shoulders draw back.
He’s already stripped down to boxers and is sitting on our coffee table, knees spread, fingers loosely laced between his legs.
He lookscomfortable.
“I, uh…” He coughs. “I don’t actually know how to pose. Now that I’m thinking about it, I assume it’s more complicated than justhold still.”
He coughs again.
Okay, so maybe he’s not comfortable. This helps.
“Well…I guess I’m not sure? I’m definitely not an expert. In class, in a round, we usually do four or five short poses. Like around two minutes, and then a long pose, ten minutes, max fifteen.”
“Sure.”
“Just try not to choose a pose you’ll have to break. Like don’t do anything acrobatic. Or that you’ll have to like, flex for.”
