(Is Roz in the building?)
(Where is she?)
Don’t everyone look at the same time or she’s going to leave and never come back. Baby, really. Is this story fucking you up?
(Finish it, Vinny Green Eyes!)
(Vinny Green Eyes!!)
(She calls him Vinny Green Eyes!!!!)
(Finish it, Vin!)
(You got this, Vin!)
Okay. Okay, then I’ll just read from the paper. Exactly what I wrote. Okay.
When a terrible thing happens to you, it happens and then it’s done, right? Wrong. That’s why I’m calling this the big bad wolf. Because when the truck smashed through the building, that wasthe first time the big bad wolf came around. But the big bad wolf in the story comes back over and over, right? And it has. It’s on me. I think I’ll carry it with me forever. And there were some really dark days. But there was one thing that helped. One little light that I hold. Right here. I would have died for her. And that makes me feel good. At least…at least, now that I’ve got the rest of my life to live…At least I know that I’ve got something to die for.
Twenty-Three
Vin steps offthe stage to raucous applause and makes a straight line for me and Raff. By straight line I mean he skirts in and out of the crowd. People are stretching this way and that, trying to figure out which people are the infamous wife and brother.
I think for a moment about Em and Lauro. Loving one another in secret code. Putting pieces of themselves down on paper and sayingLook, here I am.
Em immortalized Lauro with a fountain pen. Well, Vin just immortalized us with a folded-up sheet of printer paper and a microphone.
He’s getting closer and my heart is in my throat. And then he blurs out of focus because my eyes are filled. And then I don’thaveto see because his arms are around me. His scent fills my nose. His chest jumps under my cheek. One of his arms unwraps from me and I look up in time to see him wrap it around Raff’s head, tugging his brother close. Vin kisses his forehead, like a good Italian brother. Raff clutches at as much of Vin as he can get his hands on, which isn’t much because I’m not giving an inch.
There’s more of the show to see, but Vin tugs us out of Sooth and onto the street. He unhands us on the sidewalk and then his big arm goes up and he covers his eyes with the inside of his elbow. He’s sobbing. Like me in bed the other night.
I take the ribs and belly area for a hug and Raff takes the shoulders area. We both hold Vin while he quakes.
He takes a few enormous breaths and then starts patting our backs, reassuring us that he’s okay. “Sorry,” he says gruffly. “Just…it’s a lot to be onstage. To try to tell that story. And then to see you two…” He scrubs at his tears with the shoulder of his shirt.
And then the three of us transform into that one Spider-Man meme where we’re all pointing at one another. Trying to answer all forms of the questionHow did you get here?
I explain about Em.
Raff explains about Tammy.
Vin says that his therapist thought it would be good for him. Sent him as homework. And it worked so well he kept coming back. His therapist (by the way) is the one whose office is in the hallway of Nine Five Four. Vin saw his name on the door when he went to pick up the lease. The night I put the lease on the fridge he just walked straight back to that door.
“Was it really okay?” Vin asks again. “To hear me talk about it like that? When you weren’t expecting it?”
“Shit, I’ve been hoping you would,” Raff says. “I want every detail, man. You know I don’t remember it.”
“Wait.” I hold up a hand. “You told me that you don’t ‘really’ remember it. I just thought…I thought you meant that it was kind of foggy and you’d rather not comb through it. But…do you mean that you actually don’t remember any of it?”
“I had a concussion,” Raff says with a shrug. “I remember glimpses of the ambulance. And then waking up after the surgery.”
“Raff…” I’m struck. Silent. Shocked. “I didn’t realize…And wenevertalk about it. Jesus. You must have been going nuts.”
“Like I said, I’ve been waiting for Vin to talk about it onstage.”
“I still can’t believe you’ve been coming for weeks.” Vin scrubs his hands over his face. And then he looks at me. “You swear this is your first time?”
“You think I could keep something like that a secret?” I point back at the bar. “I would nevernotbe able to talk to you about it all. You were onstage, Vin. You made people laugh and shout for you! You…”
