Don’t lose sight of that now, coaxed Loraya.Guard your heart, Kasira.
But for once, the sound of her old partner’s voice didn’t comfort her. It had felt off ever since Thane’s revelation, like a string out of tune. Kasira had spent the past few days poring over a thousand memories under a new light. The times Loraya had defended her, protected her, the way she had always put Kasira’s needs first.
Loraya had taken Kasira under her wing, taught her how to survive, but it had been Kasira who reveled in the con, Kasira who belonged on the streets. Loraya had always seemed meant for so much more, and Kasira had wanted to give her that. She still did. But if what Thane had said about the priest was true, if Loraya hadn’t told her Thane had wanted Kasira out of the crew … What other pieces of her friend had Kasira missed?
May was looking at her oddly now, and she knew she had let the lull last too long. Forcing a smile, Kasira asked, “What about you? How do you feel about all of this?”
May looked contemplative, her fingers playing with her marriage bracelet. “I think tensions around here are mounting. Even I’ve been a little high-strung myself.”
“You?” Kasira propped herself up on an elbow. “You’re the most levelheaded person I know.”
“Or perhaps just the best at projecting it,” May replied with a shake of her head. “There’s something I haven’t told you yet, Kas. I—I’m leaving Amorlin. I’m returning to take over my mother’sbakery. Not right away. I don’t feel right doing it now with the Library in the state it is in, but soon.”
The wistfulness in May’s expression, the longing—they were familiar, the look of someone who wanted something they had been denied for too long. For how long had May wanted to leave, but remained because Allaster and the Library needed her? Kasira thought of the bitterness in May’s voice in conversations about Kasira and Allaster, how desperately she’d wanted them to work things out, and knew she ought to let those feelings lie. She had set her anchor well enough with May; there was no need to press further.
And yet she asked, “What’s wrong, May?”
The question seemed to startle the First Mage, as if she were unused to hearing it. Her eyes clouded with emotion, a tear tracking down her cheek that she wiped away. “It’s my wife, Taya. She wants me to come home, but I have a few things left to tie up here. She doesn’t understand though. She thinks I’m choosing the Library and my research over her, but I—” She cut off, visibly restraining something.
“I love her, Kas,” May said. “More than anything. I don’t want to lose her.”
Kasira had known that Allaster’s antics were grinding on May’s nerves, but not why. Nor had she realized how heavily it was weighing on May. Protecting the Library was the First Mage’s job, and she had done it well, but in that moment, a part of Kasira wanted to protect her. It made her wish she could have known May in another life, at a cottage by the lake.
What would happen to May when all of this was over? Would she still retire if the Library fell into Kalish hands? Would her wife understand if she didn’t?
No, Kasira thought.She would never abandon this place if it needed her.
Struck by a strange sensation to dosomething, Kasira placed a hand over May’s. “It’ll be all right,” she lied. “Allaster just needs a little time. He and I will figure things out, and you’ll be back in Riviair baking bonbons in no time.”
May laughed, and it took years off her face. “You don’t bake bonbons.”
“I don’t even know what a bonbon is.”
May smiled and squeezed her hand. “I’ll make you some sometime. They’re delightful.”
Kasira only smiled, wishing it could be that simple.
DESPITE HIS DISGRUNTLEMENT, Allaster took Kasira’s advice, assigning Thane basic work to keep him occupied, tasks like cleaning that he couldn’t sabotage and that kept him away from the beasts. Thane accepted the redirection with an ease that only made Kasira more nervous. No countermove, no attempt to weasel his way out. It made her feel as though she had dodged a Relin without realizing there was a Zeras hidden in the brush.
When Allaster still hadn’t come around by the end of the week, Kasira decided to force the issue. She had given him time enough to brood, and the longer it took for them to reconcile, the more Thane could build a case against her.
It was time to put the next piece of her plan into play.
Sensing him in the arena, she teleported there and was greeted by the sound of thudding wood. Allaster occupied one corner, driving his staff over and over again into a practice target. He had stripped down to his pants, sweat glistening along the muscles of his back.
For a moment, all she could do was stare. Not only at him, but also at the ferocity in his every move, the fury. She could feel it through the magic. His pain, his despair—because of her. She had threatened something he cared desperately for. It was an emotion Kasira knew so little of, one she hadn’t felt since Loraya. But she felt it now, like a half-forgotten memory. He had a way of doing that to her.
Making her remember.
Allaster’s barrage came to a sudden end with a strike so powerful, it cracked both target and staff in two. He had thrust the remainingpiece of the weapon into the dirt with a snarl and summoned a replacement before he noticed her.
“What do you want?” he asked.
Trying not to focus on how the muscles of his arms strained against the henolite bands, she summoned her own staff. “Maybe if you hit me instead of that target, we’ll actually get somewhere.”
He grimaced. “You’re blunter as yourself.”
“Asmyself? You think this is another persona?”
