“Then what? Damnation?” She let out a small laugh, her tone turning scornful. “Yes, I suppose this place would know all about that.”
“This is no longer about realms and religion,” May said tightly.“Listen to me, Lana. There is more at stake here than you realize. The Library needs you and Allaster working together, for you to be the Assistant Librarian, Kalish or not.”
So that was what May was after. She wanted Kasira to be the Assistant and for Allaster to let her, and she wanted it with a ferocity Kasira didn’t understand. May had a thoughtful nature, her concern for others extending to every beast and mage she interacted with, so it was no surprise she cared for the Library with the same tenacity, but there was an urgency behind her words that Kasira couldn’t decipher.
What could be so pressing, so dire, that the normally equable May would lose her temper, yet was so sensitive that she wouldn’t just tell Kasira outright?
It must be related to whatever is wrong with the Library, she thought.
Outwardly, she dipped her head, looking chastened. “I’m trying,” she replied hesitantly. “I’ve been … reading.”
“I know.” May’s demeanor softened, and she started down the riverbank once more, her boots squelching in the mud. “But books can only do so much. I know you did not want this, and I know that so much of it goes against what you’ve been taught to believe, but I hope you can see the good here, the life. The Library is more than you have been told.”
Kasira pretended to consider her words, though in truth, she already agreed. Simply showing an interest in learning could only do so much. She had to take the next step if she was to begin building the trust she needed. Without it, Allaster would never grant her magic, and this con would be over before it began.
May emitted a sudden gasp of excitement and crouched before a single white-stalked mushroom with a blue top that Kasira was surprised to find she recognized. “You’re looking for cloudtrappers?” she asked. “We have those everywhere in Kalthos.”
“Really?” May straightened with the mushroom in hand. “Warrin seemed to think they were rare, but I admit that the Library is less informed about Kalthos than the other nations to a degree. As you might imagine, they’re not as open to mages roaming about their lands doing research.”
“I’d be happy to tell you whatever you’d like about it,” Kasira offered as they returned to their search. “And I can get you more mushrooms. They’re common around Elrope breeding grounds. I think they eat them and disperse the spores.”
“I would appreciate that,” May replied. “In fact, my primary hypothesis is around something very similar. I’m researching the connection between beasts and magic-infused natural materials, like vylor. I have a theory that that a chemical reaction is at play, much like you’d find in the production of baked goods.”
Kasira had learned by now that each mage took on a primary hypothesis, or a subject in research that became their focus while at the Library, something she herself was technically exempt from as the Assistant Librarian. Or rather, it was expected that she would pursue many topics, something she had already begun to do with her time in the main library.
“What do you want to know?” she asked, and answered May’s questions about Kalish beasts as best she could as they continued their search. They only found a single other mushroom, making the bucket a light burden on their return trip to the Library. Kasira made a point of directing their path away from the river and through the paddocks, claiming she was tired of walking through muddy grass, so that it looked unplanned when she slowed outside of Benlo’s fence.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” she began, eyeing the Relin uncertainly. “Perhaps I could take over feeding Benlo?”
Surprise flitted across May’s face, before it softened into a smile. “Fen and Carlia handle that right now. I’ll talk to them.” She reached out to squeeze Kasira’s hand, her marriage bracelet clinking. Kasira eyed the sapphire crescent moon charm, sensing a thread that could tie them closer.
“Do you miss them?” She nodded at the bracelet.
“Taya?” May lifted her hand, letting the charm catch the sun’s light. “With every breath. I see her for a few days each month, but it isn’t enough. For either of us.”
Kasira wondered what it felt like to miss someone so much your heart ached. The closest she had was Loraya, but missing her was likelonging for the stars in the noonday sky: She was at once always there and unreachable. Kasira could never have her back.
“What about you?” May lifted an eyebrow. “Did you leave family behind?”
No.The word resounded loud and deep in her mind, even as she thought of Revna. Though she’d hated the actual hunting of beasts, she had spent years with her battalion. And as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she missed Revna’s raucous laugh and Paskar’s terrible singing.
You’re getting soft, whispered Loraya’s voice.Your heart will be your downfall.
Like it was yours?Kasira thought back.
By now, Revna would have been questioned for Kasira’s disappearance and likely disciplined. Kasira didn’t actually know the punishment for failing to prevent desertion, but she imagined it was as severe as everything else in the Malikinar.
“No one who will miss me,” she said carefully, and like so many things, it was both a truth and a lie.
CHAPTER 11
KASIRA
THE DAYS OF STUDYING HAD THE EFFECTKASIRA DESIRED:MOST OFthe mages no longer stared at her with the same narrow-eyed suspicion, having grown used to her presence. It helped that she had taken over the feeding for Benlo and other beasts, joining those who went in and out of the paddocks each morning, while the others did everything from grooming to exercising them. It was almost idyllic, the steady buzz of conversation and laughter amid the roar of the falls, but Kasira couldn’t quell the current of unease that always surfaced around the beasts.
After so many years spent fighting for her life against them, her instinct was to put a blade in their hearts before they could attack. Thankfully, that disquiet translated into her persona as Eirlana, who would feel equally discomforted walking between the pens. It was an element of her con she didn’t have to fake. She needed it to look like Eirlana was making an effort, and she did so by forcing herself to make one.
She tended to pens of Yrvas, great lizard-like creatures with curved snouts that spent most of their time in swamps. They had long, thin tails, sharp as vylor blades, one of which had nearly taken her hand off when she startled it in the woods. The paddock beside the Yrvas’ was full of Fiers, small and quick creatures with curved claws on their front paws and straight, ridged horns the length of their bodies. Revnahad a scar on her thigh from one that had nearly skewered her. The beasts had infiltrated their camp during the night, killing two medics.
