I clenched my fists, thinking of the way Caylus had depicted me in his drawing. Proud. Strong. A force of steel and arrows, a crow at my back.
I would not let her break me.
I am more than my emotions, more than my depression and fear.
Fire and I would never be friends, but I wouldn’t let it or the horrible memories it represented hold power over me any longer.
“I am more,” I promised myself.
Reluctantly, I gathered up the gloves. As much as I’d have liked to drop them out the window, I would wear them. Not only to placate Razel but also to show her that I could.
Someone knocked, and I answered the door. A servant stood in the hall, a box in his hands. “From Prince Ericen, Your Highness.” He handed me the box, bowed reluctantly, and left. How many presents was I to get today?
Retreating inside, I closed the door and opened the box. A pair of brand-new, fingerless leather gloves rested inside. Beside them sat a note saying he’d be at the training grounds today if I wanted to spar.
Grinning, I set Razel’s gloves aside and slid on the leather ones. They were smooth and incredibly well made, and my satisfaction at subverting Razel’s order was all the warmth I needed as I dressed in my flying leathers and set out for the training grounds in the chilly air.
As it was just after lunch, the grounds were busy, but I easily spotted Ericen in one of the grappling rings, sparring with a stocky soldier. In the time it took me to cross to the ring, Ericen had struck him in the ribs, gut, and face, dropping him to the floor.
The Centerian was days away, and Ericen looked more than ready.
The soldier was back on his feet by the time I arrived, wiping blood from his lip with the back of his hand. He clasped hands grudgingly with Ericen and climbed out of the ring. The prince noticed me a moment later. I waved as he came to sit on the edge of the ring, his earnest expression dissolving into a smile that reflected none of last night’s despair.
“Did you get my present?” he asked.
I held up my gloved hands. “Not bad. And here I’d have expected something gaudy and gilded.”
“If you’re implying Illucians have a thing for gold, then you are entirely correct.”
Smirking, I jerked my head toward the far side of the grounds. “Do you have a second to talk? Privately.”
His smile faded, but he slipped from the ring, leading me over to the edge of the courtyard and into the healer’s quarters. The healer leapt up.
“Your Highnesses.” She bowed her head to us both. “Is something wrong with your hand?”
“No, thank you,” I replied. “Can you please give us the room?”
She nodded and gathered a few pieces of paperwork before exiting through the door we’d entered.
“I wanted to talk to you about last night,” I began. His expression darkened, and I hesitated but pressed on. “You seemed upset, and I kept thinking about it, and I…well, do you ever think about leaving? Abandoning it all and going?” More direct than I’d meant, but either Ericen was willing to hear me out or he wasn’t. And if he wasn’t… I shoved the thought away. He wouldn’t tell Razel, would he?
“Now that you mention it, I could use a vacation,” he replied. “If you were me, would you risk the freezing ice lands of Korovi or the sea serpents off the Trendell coast? My options are rather limited. Not very popular, you see.”
I smacked the back of his head lightly, earning myself a grin. “Serious answers.”
Leaning back against one of the supply tables, he crossed his arms. The grin faded as he let his gaze wander along the room, looking everywhere but at me. “Sometimes,” he said hesitantly, then as if regretting it, added, “But it would be disgraceful.”
Him and his stupid honor. Why did one of his most redeeming qualities have to be one that kept getting in my way?
“My mother would send the Vykryn after me,” he continued. “Sometimes I swear she’s waiting for a reason to. Hells, Shearen would volunteer in a heartbeat. He seems to have it in his head if I’m out of the way, she’ll make him Valix instead.”
Even as he said it, the heat faded from his words, and I wondered if he hated Shearen as much as he seemed to. Whatever burned between them, it seemed incapable of completely destroying the bond they’d once had.
I leaned against the table beside him. “How could you serve someone like that?” I asked. “Someone who would willingly send people to hunt down and kill her own son?”
I was pushing against some invisible boundary, and any minute, it might shatter and send me careening off an edge. But I needed to do this, not just because Ericen would be an asset but also because if my plan worked, I’d be leaving him behind.
I’d never have thought that would matter to me.
