When they were done, I started back to my room to do a last check for belongings to take with me, my mind lost in daydreams of hatching the crow, of feeling the wind against my skin again and the endless strength of a crow beneath me.
I almost walked straight into Ericen. He caught me, and I reeled back from his touch. He grinned. “Where are you coming from in such a state? You’re practically glowing.”
I tried to step past him, but he wouldn’t let me. Scowling, I stepped back. “What, Ericen?”
“You know, that’s the first time you’ve addressed me by name.”
“Is there a point to this? Because I have things to do.”
His smile faded, as if my abruptness had bothered him. “We’re going to be traveling together for nearly a week. And if you haven’t forgotten, we’re engaged.” It took effort not to cringe at those words. “I thought you and I should…I don’t know. Start over.”
“Start over?” I laughed. “Is this a joke or just more of your games?”
“Neither. I mean it. I’m not what you think. What would I get out of lying to you?”
“The usual sick pleasure.”
He sighed, moving out of my way. “Just think about it, please. It’d certainly make traveling a lot better.”
I stalked past him, keeping my expression neutral though my mind was a maelstrom of thoughts. Flustered by the conversation, nervous about leaving, anxious about the egg, I felt like a storm readying to break. I needed air.
Diverting from the stairs, I walked quickly down the hall and out through a side door that opened onto the south grounds. Crisp morning air cooled the fire in my veins, but it couldn’t settle the turbulence gathering inside me.
One moment, Ericen dug so far under my skin I wanted to pummel him, and the next, he acted like he’d been misunderstood. I hated these games, the deception and confusion. I wanted straightforward. I wanted clear lines and paths that didn’t split.
I followed a winding dirt path through the gardens to the royal graveyard. A black metal fence surrounded dark stone mausoleums spread across thick grass, and I had to navigate to their center to find the simple grave my mother had requested. A small crow statue perched on the tombstone with wings spread, fallen leaves scattered across the grave.
For several minutes, I simply stared at the grave, breathing in the crisp morning air. I never knew what to say to my mother. In my memories, she was always turning away from me, always sweeping into another room when I was nearby, quick to put a solid door between us. Even in death, anything I could say, anything I could do, felt inadequate. Always inadequate—it was practically my motto.
“I hope you know what a mess you’ve left us in.” My hands curled into fists at my sides. “You should have told me. You should have trusted me. Now I have a chance to save Rhodaire, but I don’t know how, all because you had to do everything yourself.”
My throat tightened, but the words pushed through. “You never should have gone into that damn rookery!”
A nearby tree shook as a startled bird took flight. Leaves dislodged by its sudden movement fluttered through the air and resounding silence, settling on the grave. Something shifted inside me, like a rope given slack after an age of being pulled too tight.
“All this is because of you,” I whispered to the silence, to the earth, to the gravestone. To the memory that slept underneath. “And now you’re not even here to help us.”
My mother and I may not have been close, but in a way, she’d held us all together, held our kingdom together. Her death had splintered mine and Caliza’s relationship, sent me spiraling down inside myself, and set our kingdom unraveling.
Her legacy haunted us all, casting a shadow I couldn’t outrun. Even in Illucia, people had known her name, affording her a grudging respect even as they cursed her. They’d called her Crow Queen.
My fists closed tighter. Caliza had tried to be our mother and failed. I had failed too. We would always fail, and maybe that was for the best. We didn’t need to be her.Ididn’t need to be her.
I needed to be better.
“Goodbye, Mother.” I set my hand on the tombstone.
A vibration like an earthquake shot up my arm. I tried to pull away, but my hand wouldn’t move. Voices in a foreign language echoed in my head, flashes of trees and silver eyes swirling in my vision. Then everything shifted violently. I smelled the warmth and hay of a rookery, felt the heat of flames, saw Illucian soldiers dying all around me—then a man with eyes like golden fire.
In an instant, it was over. My hand came off the tombstone, and I stumbled to the side, breathing hard.
I bolted for the castle, trying and failing to process what had happened. Had I hallucinated? The stress and nerves were finally getting to me. I was cracking.
I sprinted inside, up the stairs, and into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me and falling back against it. It took several minutes before my breathing and racing heart even began to calm.
“Nothing happened,” I whispered to myself. “You’re fine. Nothing happened.”
Except my fingers still tingled from the touch. And the vibration… It had felt familiar, like a massive jolt of the feeling I got when I touched the egg. Magic?
